What a difference it makes to wake up in a tidy and organized environment. Me and Shawn cleaned the apartment yesterday, and it badly needed it. I had been succumbing to chaos, and sinking into the abyss of self-destructive habits. I was not doing anything with my days. I was hiding, and shrinking, and shirking, and denying. I felt like a big, raw, wound.
Last night I went to bed with a cup of skullcap tea (it calms, soothes, and relaxes), watching Little Women and let myself cry and express this un-understood pain. What is it about that movie? It almost feels like home. Maybe it's the sisterly bonds and the womanly wisdom that make it a movie I always want to watch when I feel like I need to heal. Anyways. I'm a big emotional sap right now. Sorry about that. I don't always have it together. not that that needs to be pointed out. I'm sure I've made that abundantly clear before.
But I DID start writing this post on a positive note, because this morning I woke up feeling better than I had in days. Me and Shawn cuddled and kissed and talked quietly in bed, and then I got up and padded around in our freshly clean apartment. The sky was already a blazing blue. The thought of going for a quiet morning walk filled me with promise of refreshment and inspiration. So that is what I am going to do. I have already eaten my morning bagel and had my cup of coffee. Shawn is out for a morning wave session. When I come back, maybe I will start writing a book, that will change my life forever. Or maybe I'll start THE painting, that launches my artistic career. Who knows? That is the miracle of each new moment! Each one holds the promise of a fresh start.
waking up in a clean house on a beautiful day is the best feeling. I am usually toeing the line of chaos and organization. sometimes I succumb, like you and other times I am on the ball. It is tied to my emotional state I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteme too. good idea about the morning walk. mornings are fresh and full of promise.
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