it is not your time.

'fub is right. It is time for a post. mind you, I tried writing posts multiple times since the reunion. for some reason, I couldn't get anything out.
these days, I feel watery and wave-ery. Like a person waking up in the morning, in that space between consciousness, the dream world and the waking world meshing into one. I am losing my sense of self. It is disconcerting. It is scary learning to relate to others in a whole new way. Where is it that I'm standing? Whose voice am I expressing? Where is the backbone of me? Where is the solid foundation for me to stand on? I don't want any foundation but THE foundation, the one that can't ever break or be destroyed. I don't want to put in place another structure, which will either tumble into shame or eventually become so brittle it will break with the pressure.
The Rock of Ages if you will.

Ever think while you're tasting the sweetness of a peach...how amazing it is, all the different kinds of sweetness? There's the sweet nectar of mangos. There's sweetness of apples (and inside that, unlimited kinds of sweetness in different kinds of apples!) There's the sugary sweetness of maple syrup. So many, all so great! What's even MORE awe-inspiring is the delicious kinds of people sweetness. It's just the same. You might really mesh with one person who makes you feel the way you feel when you let chocolate sumptuously melt in your mouth. One person might give you the bright spurt of energy very like the bright juice of an orange bursting in your mouth. The way your whole body feels and reacts when you eat something super tasty is very like the way your body reacts when meshing with a super tasty (feeling) person. I think I've made my point. I just love looking at it that way! i have to say, I was captivated by my own thought. ...which is only as it should be people.

OH! by the WAY...I saved the best for last!
It was Shawn's 25'th birthday a week ago, on the 7th. I wanted to get him something he'd always remember, and so (really last-minute and in a breathless spurt of spontaneity)I bought us both tickets to HAWAII!!! It is done! We are going! I am sooo excited. We're leaving for a week in november (19 - 26). I have been doing almost nothing but looking up vacation rentals and hotels and camping on Oahu - that's the island we're flying to, and we're just going to stay on it. At first we wanted to stay on the North Shore, but places are fewer and more expensive in general over there...if we stay closer to Honolulu, we can get a place with a pool!
OR, we can camp on the North Shore - there's these tiny cabins we could rent for $70/night with private showers. RIGHT on the beach. We'd have to bring everything from toilet paper and linens to cooking utensils and even a broom. Anyone got an opinion??