confrontations

I've been having confrontations with none other than myself.
I am like a flame, that, when dispersed, is like a bunch of tiny sparks scattered in all directions. What I need is to focus the sparks into a unified passion.
Time to stop hiding from my gifts. On old report cards, the common thread in all my teacher's comments was "Amy has great potential but doesn't apply herself". Which seems to fit into a description of most of my life. Well...perhaps it's time to apply myself! And see what exciting things come of it!

Self discipline is the first thing I intend to focus my energies on. Health, cleanliness (of self and surroundings), orderliness, exercise, and definitely not least - meditation. In that kind of environment, creativity can thrive - which is what I next want to focus on. I don't know where I'm going to focus my passion. I'm sure it will come to me in inspiration. In the mean time, I'll prepare the right environment!

It is no accident that I am probably the most messy, disorganized, meandering person most people have EVER met. Wouldn't you agree that those are the lessons to be learned on the path TO discipline, order, and harmony? Also, I like to believe that my experiences in the field of work are no accident. Mustn't I experience the unjust and unethical side of being an employee if I ever want to be the channel through which positive change to the opposite side of good, compassionate ethics happen? I've always felt so passionately about that subject because I know the experience of contributing your valuable effort and being completely undervalued...which is the most common experience in the lower-end type of jobs I've had. In a perfect world (which is where we must be heading), could you see that happening? No. Every effort from every person would be appreciated for what it was: vital and important. People wouldn't be expected to "give their life" to their job. ...on the other hand though, in a perfect world, everyone would be lead by their hearts to do that which most fulfills them, and all the basic necessities of life would be provided - free - which would of course be what liberates people to follow their hearts.

In this perfect world, I have a house tucked away in a private little pocket. The wind shivers through the trees, tickling wind chimes that hang from many branches. Sparkles of blue glimmer through the trees. A sinewy path curves around exposed roots and stones, through the rainforest to a little cove. I have a laundry line that stretches from the upper (wrap-around) deck to the trunk of a tree. I have a little girl and two cats and two dogs...and obviously my lovely Shawn. I write, paint, sculpt, and create for fun and for a living. I swim in the salty sea with my daughter and collect seaweed. I grow dandelions and lavender, feverfew, mint, lemon balm, calendula, borage, and many other herbs and also vegetables. I want there to be a profusion of campanula all over my yard. The back door entrance to my home leads into a mudroom which is impossible to keep from being constantly sandy. It has a warm, cozy feel.
It's fun to dream.