unimog and kinship with bugs

a unimog.

It is my second day off today, and I spent the morning helping shawn to trim a hedge and weed some gravel. My wrists feel weak and slightly rubbery from holding the heavy, vibrating trimmer at such awkward angles. The place where we were working was super close to the grocery store, so when I was done I walked there and picked up some things me and Shawn need. It was a blonde lady at the till who I always detect a funny vibe from, and so consequently am always slightly funny towards. But today I decided to ignore that, and flashed her two bright and open smiles just because, because I AM bright and open and that's that. It made me feel good. Walking home with my loot, I practiced my new approach when I passed people on the sidewalk. Instead of feeling like I want to hide when I pass someone, I instead would really look at them and think, "who is this person?"...rather with a curiosity at the beings who I am interacting with than a fear at what they might think of me. Or whatever. And if they look up and meet my gaze, I then can give them a warm smile because I am regarding them from a place where I'm remembering ...our equality, for lack of a better word. And it just makes me feel warm. Everybody alive in this physical world is taking on their own personal challenges in order to help out the whole of existence. I firmly believe that. Looking at a fellow being (whether it be a fuzzy, vibrating bumble bee, a cat, or another human) you can always feel a kinship.
It sounds strange, but I have a lot of tenderness in my heart for bugs. When you look at their world, they are so small and brave. It is so easy for us to crush them. It must be a Divine influence that makes you love something simply because you see how much bigger you are than something and how easy it would be for you to take that something's life. You know, it shouldn't sound strange that I have a soft spot for bugs, or for any other creature. It is such a narrow point of view to say that their lives mean less because...why? they are so small? they are a nuisance at times? they scare you? What is the justification?  they are different. They are not human. But the life inside us is the same life that fills a bug. We don't hold any sort of monopoly when it comes to life-sacredness. I'm just going to keep going. There are a lot of bugs at my new job. The other day I watched a little jumping spider crawl across the paper I was drawing on. I moved to get a better look at him, and saw his tiny little eyes look way, way, way up to regard me. We stared at each other. Than he moved on. I watched as a furry little bee tumbled around in the flowers standing in the vase in front of me. His speed was at an entirely different level than mine. I could feel it when it buzzed away, veering towards me for a second, when I visibly jumped back, feeling the intense, buzzing, speed. You definitely feel them when they are around you. And it usually makes you anxious because, from what I perceive, they feel so intense, dense and fast. Too fast. They zip around like they have secret jet packs attached to their feet. compared to them, we are plodding creatures...slow, and muddled. No wonder they feel so disturbing when they burst into our energy fields with all their ferociously focussed energy. Anyways. I suppose that's enough rhapsodizing on the subject. I hope i haven't bored anyone to death. i'm fully expecting to be made fun of for spending so much time talking about bugs. I mean, clearly I have too much time on my hands...

I should write a book. But on what? Bugs and flowers and wind in the trees? Who would read THAT? I want to write a book and get published, but I never have a clear vision of what to write about. Too many things inspire me, and then I can't maintain that. The whole scattered sparks thing. I need a steady flame!