love can be

I once read that the poetry you write is a window into your soul at the time. Clichéd, but I have to agree with it whole-heartedly. My poetry of 2 - 8 years ago was scrambled and confused. for most of that time, I had no inspiration for any poetry at all. Up until very recently. Recently, poems pour out of me at unpredictable moments. Thoughts so golden I must write them down and attempt to give justice. They don't come from my mind. They are inspired through me.  I feel them in a way that is too powerful to NOT write them down. I am not claiming anything special. Anyone who has been inspired knows what I'm talking about. And you can't be human, and NOT have been inspired at some point or other. It is an impossibility, I firmly believe. Anyway, some poems I write are too personal and sacred to me to share, but I'd like to share this one.

God created us human
so that light could shine in the dark
so love could find an expression
so the power could be felt,
lived
love can be
and that is the gift

we are the gift
we are love

a poem

I am not my shoes. or my cat. Or any of my clothes.

I am not my thoughts. I am not my reactions. I am not my opinions.

I am not my knowledge. I am not my financial situation.

I am not my beliefs. I am not my fears. 

I am not my family. I am not my friends. I am not my co-workers.

I am not and I am.

I   am   

the jewel beyond the thought, underlying the beliefs.

I   am

the purest essence, indomitable love, unquenchable light.

I   am

so exquisitely beautiful, you cannot look on my shining

and not be moved.

I   am.

I   am.

I   am!

And joy flows through me like a river because

I am and we all are. 

message in a bottle

I am returned from a brief sojourn to Parksville. Unfortunately, my purse is still in Parksville. Sigh.

While in P-ville, I took care of business. Happily, my e.i. went right through and I'm now on the program and should have money put in my account this very DAY. Not so greatly, my passport didn't go through because of some missing info about my employment history (I didn't realize I had to tell them when i was unemployed too!) but that is all taken care of, and I should be getting my passport in 2 weeks! Right on time!! PHEWPH. Just so you can put your minds at ease, I look good in my new passport photo. This passport is going to kick my last passport's butt. (good riddance tight mouth stretched over large, braces-laden teeth). I'm not shallow. I'm not. But a good-looking passport feels good.

I've become hooked on The Voice. LOVE IT. Some of the performances send tingles through my entire BODY, like the battle between De'borah and Nelly's Echo - message in a bottle - AHH! De'borah is my favourite. I hope she wins. I lust after her voice. And I don't even have to mention the battle between Amanda Brown and Trevin Hunt - vision of love by Mariah Carey - that was just mind-blowing. Anehway.

so it feels good to have my affairs mostly in order now. the exciting task remains for me and Shawn to book our Hawaii accommodation. We're going to do that tonight. I cannot wait to be in Hawaii.

Well, I have been working on some paintings. One of them is shockingly beautiful in it's beginning stages. That can sometimes hold me back, because I am loathe to add something less perfect than what has miraculously happened already on the canvas. But it is also exciting and draws me to it, because I think I'm on to something. Something really, really good. I'll post pictures when I am done. I also have some hilarious cartoons (in my opinion) to post, if I can get my scanner to work. It hasn't been cooperating.

garage band is fun

I was playing around with loops in garage band, and came up with this. I love forming beautiful melodies (and..do it often in my head or while alone listening to music), and with these guitar loops that I found, the melody grew very naturally for me. for the lyrics, I just sang the first words that came to mind. That is the kind of artist I am. Improv! I hope you enjoy. I have no knowledge of actually recording, so. But I think you'll be able to look past that. In fact, I know you will. If you were here, I would gently squeeze your shoulder.
Anyway, it's not done yet, and there's some breathing things I need to tweak.

morning walk photos

I cut my way through town using the alley that winds it's way in between CIBC and the Common Loaf, passing by the back of Castaways, which is often littered with new donated goods. I stopped to snap a quick shot of an aged post.

blackberries tumble over the decrepit wooden fences that line the alley.

a tangle of blackberry through the fence.

The alley opens up beside Schooner's, which I walked past breathing as little as possible. It stank like rotten fish. I walked through a cloud of flies. I turned the corner onto Neil st. and walked past the skate park.

RIP Jamie

the Tofino school bus.

My meandering footsteps took me to Main st. A bramble of blackberries and browned butterfly bushes overlook the Sound in the shaded parking lot beside the Credit Union.

I sat for awhile on some shaded steps that cut through a condo building on Main st. I enjoy the grassy roof of that building...which, unromantically, is the Condo sales building. Should definitely be more public. Such a beautiful situation...

some stair shots, just for fun.

Beside The Shore building on Main, there is this cute little gate (which is beside a steep path leading down to the Atleo air/Ocean Outfitters dock). There is actually a very old, mostly forgotten about road behind that gate. 

This is the roof/deck of a small brick building built into a hill that leads down to the ocean. It's beside the Sushi Bar. It's one of my favourite buildings in Tofino. Love. ut. 

Rumour has it, it is on it's way to becoming an Italian Restaurant. I very much hope this is true. Tofino doesn't even HAVE an Italian Restaurant - in my opinion, it's badly needed. 

Spiderwebs!

This is the side of it. The front is all glass, with a gorgeous view of the Sound.

I cut down towards the water at the brick, soon-to-be Italian Restaurant. Past Remote Passages. I used their boat ramp to get to the beach. The Ocean Route along Main st. is hardly ever used. Aside from otters and raccoons that is...here you see a raccoon's paw sunk into the sand.

low tide.

The Coast Guard building. 

I played around with the colour on this one.

passing the ocean side of Tofino Sea Kayaking, I cut through the field beside them to get back onto the road. Walking back through town I didn't take any pictures until I got back home. 

I'm going to go on a morning walk every day while the weather's nice...and it's supposed to be nice, with not a drop of rain in sight for 2 whole weeks!

fresh starts and whatnot

What a difference it makes to wake up in a tidy and organized environment. Me and Shawn cleaned the apartment yesterday, and it badly needed it. I had been succumbing to chaos, and sinking into the abyss of self-destructive habits. I was not doing anything with my days. I was hiding, and shrinking, and shirking, and denying. I felt like a big, raw, wound.
Last night I went to bed with a cup of skullcap tea (it calms, soothes, and relaxes), watching Little Women and let myself cry and express this un-understood pain. What is it about that movie? It almost feels like home. Maybe it's the sisterly bonds and the womanly wisdom that make it a movie I always want to watch when I feel like I need to heal. Anyways. I'm a big emotional sap right now. Sorry about that. I don't always have it together. not that that needs to be pointed out. I'm sure I've made that abundantly clear before.
But I DID start writing this post on a positive note, because this morning I woke up feeling better than I had in days. Me and Shawn cuddled and kissed and talked quietly in bed, and then I got up and padded around in our freshly clean apartment. The sky was already a blazing blue. The thought of going for a quiet morning walk filled me with promise of refreshment and inspiration. So that is what I am going to do. I have already eaten my morning bagel and had my cup of coffee. Shawn is out for a morning wave session. When I come back, maybe I will start writing a book, that will change my life forever. Or maybe I'll start THE painting, that launches my artistic career. Who knows? That is the miracle of each new moment! Each one holds the promise of a fresh start.