This morning Shawn had it in his head to wake up super early (4am to be exact...) and take care of some work thing. It's a secret, so I can't say. I mean, I know what it was, YOU cannot. Anyways. Before he left he deposited a very soft purring being on the bed beside me. I'm sure he meant for her to cuddle and keep me company in bed, but she had other plans. Such as....let's do whatever is in my subtle power to wake Amy up so she'll feed me. She's devised certain techniques for this. She'll softly put her two front paws on your hip, or your ribs, and just stay like that with two little points of pressure digging into you until you simply cannot ignore it. Then you swipe her off, and viola. She's succeeded in waking you up more than you'd have liked. If that doesn't work, she'll hold her little whiskered head right up to your nose/mouth so that she tickles your face. Then she'll switch between the two. She'll also sit atop your chest (a 15 pound furry boulder), or stomach, or hip. When you try to move in such a way that would make her fall off you, she turns into an inert noodle - WILL not jump off, just lies there, a heavy slug falling into whatever nook and cranny mine and Shawn's bodies together make. Subtle are her ways, and also wily.
I must interrupt this story to praise her.
How can I be so in love with the soft creature? I could write poems and love songs to her. She's taught me gentleness, because that is the only way she'll respond to you. Such a gentle spirit she has. I can see why Egyptians worshipped cats. They demand this of you. It's their rightful place to be on a pedestal.
I can't express the depth of my delight in her round, furry form. On her chest is a bib of the softest white fur. Her belly is like white pudding cake. She holds up her heft on tiny little white paws. She is altogether delightful.
Back to the story.
So, Eastre woke me up and I tossed and turned in bed without a fubman. Sleep alluded me until the joyous moment a fubman returned and fit his logular fubman body in the perfect fubman shaped pocket next to mine. I sighed and slept soundly again until 8:30.
This post is a story of my family and how much I love 'em!
Sometimes I come awake in a moment where Eastre is on my lap, and fubman is in the room doing something, or conversing with me, and I feel a feeling of utter and complete gratitude for my little family.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
There was a lull yesterday at work, and I took the opportunity to sit outside the shop on the bench right out front, which was flooded in sunlight. It was like I'd stepped from one world into a completely different one. The incessant music that was playing inside faded away and the air was FULL of birdsong.
After work, Shawn was finishing a lawn again, and I went for a walk to Mackenzie beach. This time I didn't really want to escape from my thoughts, because they were my friends. Positive thoughts were making me so buoyant I just wanted to skip and sprint and sing. I was thinking about...myself, of course. Thoughts such as...all the awkwardness and painfulness I've gone through have built me into such a uniquely strong, sensitive, and much wiser person. Kind of like all of those experiences were the cocoon I was building around myself. Actually, exactly like that. My life was clearly laid out in front of me as one big journey, each part of it an essential part. I needed to go down deep and dark. It was just how I learned so many things. Things I've viewed as fallbacks were revealed to be my teachers. Such as impatience. I have learned wonderful things from that quality.
I always feel as though I'm blooming when the sun moves into Aries - it's the beginning of spring! And everyone benefits from it I think...it's that push to start things, the renewed energy after the hibernation for winter.
I always feel as though I'm blooming when the sun moves into Aries - it's the beginning of spring! And everyone benefits from it I think...it's that push to start things, the renewed energy after the hibernation for winter.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Aries moon
The moon is in Aries right now, and I have indeed noticed strong independent urges. A crusty, stiff, not-oft-used-of-late leader inside me is bellowing to be heard. It offers resistance to any idea of compromising myself to please others, or in being anything at all for the reason of impressing anyone else. Nope. It stands firm. My thoughts are competitive. There's a part of me that's activated right now that can't believe I'd ever be any other way less strong and bold. It's super impatient to go out there and prove itself. It offers no apologies for being self-absorbed, but it may make a joke or two about it. I'm charming today! You can't help but be magnetized to me....heh heh heh!
perfect moments, snowballed
I was inspired by Andrea's post of perfect moments, and thought I'd snowball from that...quite frankly I think it'd be really awesome to see everyone's perfect moments that they experience. Just saying. (wink)
So last night after work I was not in the mood to face up to anything. I went right to the TV and played the Sims...the sims keeps your mind completely occupied every single second. That is why it is such a tempting escape. Shawn was working late mowing a lawn. It was a beautiful day but I was busy cutting myself off entirely from it. Anyways, at one point I paused the game to make myself some pasta and do the dishes, and Shawn came home around then, and we decided to drive out to a lookout to catch the rest of the sunset. Rosie Bay. There's a clearing up there where me and Shawn go to have fires sometimes. It looks like someone was going to build something there, because it's been blasted, but it's been abandoned since and we never ever see anyone else up there. Shawn drove his truck right up into the clearing so we could see the view from where we were sitting. (it was freezing). The sun had set, it was orange through the trees, the first stars were coming out. The twisted, gnarled trees where sharp silhouettes against the sky. I had my window open all the way and I stuck my head out and deliberately took a huge breath, taking in all the fresh, spicy, salty smells. I'd been feeling weighted down and slightly annoyed (sims does that) but at that moment it dissipated in the face of all the perfect beauty, I realized I was smiling, and I looked over at Shawn. "this moment is perfect" I said (he agreed). I didn't ever want to leave, just wanted to take it in forever. I need to remember that better when the sims tempts me. The beautiful world does a better job of making one feel whole and peaceful than a million hours of escaping in a game like the sims.
So last night after work I was not in the mood to face up to anything. I went right to the TV and played the Sims...the sims keeps your mind completely occupied every single second. That is why it is such a tempting escape. Shawn was working late mowing a lawn. It was a beautiful day but I was busy cutting myself off entirely from it. Anyways, at one point I paused the game to make myself some pasta and do the dishes, and Shawn came home around then, and we decided to drive out to a lookout to catch the rest of the sunset. Rosie Bay. There's a clearing up there where me and Shawn go to have fires sometimes. It looks like someone was going to build something there, because it's been blasted, but it's been abandoned since and we never ever see anyone else up there. Shawn drove his truck right up into the clearing so we could see the view from where we were sitting. (it was freezing). The sun had set, it was orange through the trees, the first stars were coming out. The twisted, gnarled trees where sharp silhouettes against the sky. I had my window open all the way and I stuck my head out and deliberately took a huge breath, taking in all the fresh, spicy, salty smells. I'd been feeling weighted down and slightly annoyed (sims does that) but at that moment it dissipated in the face of all the perfect beauty, I realized I was smiling, and I looked over at Shawn. "this moment is perfect" I said (he agreed). I didn't ever want to leave, just wanted to take it in forever. I need to remember that better when the sims tempts me. The beautiful world does a better job of making one feel whole and peaceful than a million hours of escaping in a game like the sims.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
At work I cleaned all the glass, swept, mopped, re-merchandized, and then plopped down on the chair. I could hear my two co-workers who are working 'the other side' (the co. I work for is two attached stores, one side is a clothing store and the other an ocean adventure tours...the clothing store never has more than one person working at a time but the other side is a lot busier so there's usually two). They were chatting...I wanted to go over and join them but felt shy about it. However my legs walked over of their own accord.
"Hi!" said one co-worker. "I like it when you come visit us". (insert a pleased 'fub here).
Sometimes I just get the feeling that I try so hard for something I have already. And that one day when it clicks perfectly and I'm on top of the world (as happens on occasion) I'm going to look back at all the strain and stress I went through and shake my head and say "I can't believe I made it so hard for myself..."
"Hi!" said one co-worker. "I like it when you come visit us". (insert a pleased 'fub here).
Sometimes I just get the feeling that I try so hard for something I have already. And that one day when it clicks perfectly and I'm on top of the world (as happens on occasion) I'm going to look back at all the strain and stress I went through and shake my head and say "I can't believe I made it so hard for myself..."
Saturday, March 17, 2012
how can I feel good now when there's people who don't think very highly of me around...
"so you can acknowledge the value before you in this world and feel good now or you can find pockets of things to worry and fuss about and not feel good now - it's your choice."
- Abraham(hicks)
I can acknowledge those who love me.
Friday, March 16, 2012
this is also a writing exersize
In a vision:
I am standing in a canyon in late afternoon. The sun has been drenching the smooth rocky floor and walls of the canyon all day and I'm suffused in gentle warmth that rises from the earth and echoes off the rippled canyon walls. My feet are bare. A sensuous purple dusk has spread out across the canyon bottom, but the walls are still bathed in sun's light. They curve all around me in amber-rosy hues, a glowing undulating bowl in which I am ensconced in perfect solitude.
A sensation of euphoric peace prevails. In front of me, a clear turquoise pool glimmers softly in the fading light. It seems to be imbued with light from within. I take several steps into the cool silky water - it deepens swiftly and soon I am waist deep and able to smoothly glide my whole self in, my feet lightly lifting off the ground. I duck my head under and dive, using my legs to powerfully thrust downwards and forward. My arms work rhythmically with my legs. In fact, my whole body is expanding then contracting...stretching out, gathering the water all around me and pulling it in, pushing my body past. Reaching out, gathering the water, pulling it in, pushing past. I am totally absorbed in the sensations of this fluid movement.
....and that is all that I can manage for now. Been working on this for days. The first paragraph is the vision I had, the rest of it is just me adding creatively onto it. The first paragraph was the only easy part to write.
I am standing in a canyon in late afternoon. The sun has been drenching the smooth rocky floor and walls of the canyon all day and I'm suffused in gentle warmth that rises from the earth and echoes off the rippled canyon walls. My feet are bare. A sensuous purple dusk has spread out across the canyon bottom, but the walls are still bathed in sun's light. They curve all around me in amber-rosy hues, a glowing undulating bowl in which I am ensconced in perfect solitude.
A sensation of euphoric peace prevails. In front of me, a clear turquoise pool glimmers softly in the fading light. It seems to be imbued with light from within. I take several steps into the cool silky water - it deepens swiftly and soon I am waist deep and able to smoothly glide my whole self in, my feet lightly lifting off the ground. I duck my head under and dive, using my legs to powerfully thrust downwards and forward. My arms work rhythmically with my legs. In fact, my whole body is expanding then contracting...stretching out, gathering the water all around me and pulling it in, pushing my body past. Reaching out, gathering the water, pulling it in, pushing past. I am totally absorbed in the sensations of this fluid movement.
....and that is all that I can manage for now. Been working on this for days. The first paragraph is the vision I had, the rest of it is just me adding creatively onto it. The first paragraph was the only easy part to write.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
erggs!
"So often, as physical beings, you are looking for love from others and when you do not find it you think it is your deficiency. It is not your deficiency, my friends, it is the deficiency of the other, for it is their ability to see what they like which brings forth the feeling of love within them. And if they do not see it in you it is not your flaw, it is not your lack, it is theirs, you see!"
- Abraham-Hicks
Ok, so I found this Abraham-Hicks site, the "keep your bobber up" one, which I read whenever I have the chance...and I was under the impression that Abraham was a man. This is not so. Abraham is a "group of consciousness in the non-physical dimension" (Wikipedia) which Esther Hicks translates, if you will. Well, that makes a lot of sense, thinking back on how all the excerpts are phrased. In any case this site has been such an incredible source of help for me...especially if I happen to be in a negative rut and there's a big part of me that just wants me to give up and stay there. This site always tells me something that brightens me up or gives me fresh hope/enthusiasm/determination. It's a good one. When my new Mac arrives I'll print it out...with my printer that I bought 3 years ago and haven't been able to use yet! I hope it works with the Mac. (nervous giggle)
Yep, I bought one!!! I went all the frick-frack out! (haha, frick frack - I've started to...kind of by accident...invent my own line of swear words. So far they include frick, frack, and erganomics. Don't worry, I know there's a great many of you who will especially take offense to the frick-frack...I agree, it is pretty offensive. I blush when I say it, and yet it still comes blustering out of me. At least I am a very unique and exuberant dork)
Anyways, the Mac!! I went to the library on my day off and ordered it - a 27incher with 8 gig(gities) of memory and I don't know what else. I am excited. I can't really believe it. I've had that much money saved up before...why ever didn't I buy something so awesome with it? I kind of frittered it away uselessly...but that's neither here nor there because this time, I bought myself something awesome that is going to last and I am stolked.
The other day I had a day off by myself and this is what I did:
-I had a 3rd (extra) cup of coffee and did not make myself a breakfast of oatmeal until 11:30. In between that time I played the Sims...I must be honest. The sims always seems to jump out at me when something in my world gets a little more stressful than usual. But a sense of acute urgency never lets me play for long in any comfort.
-unfolded my limbs from the couch (felt the blood rush to my bum), made oatmeal and ate it, sat there meditating and writing in my journal.
-went for a mission walk down the street to the trail that cuts through a patch of forest and leads you to the big gravel lot wherein you can find Beaches...the tiny little grocery store. Where I bought some things for a salad and humous. I also bought two espresso rittersports (my new fave..hello!)
-at some point I went for a most exhilarating run. I ran to North Chestermans, along it and back. Basked in the openness and energy. Afterwards I went for a walk because I just hadn't had enough yet. Walked to Mackenzie Beach, which is just one long straight walk from my house with a little highway crossing in between. Ahhhhh. Drank in the energy there and walked back home high on beauty and completely soul-refreshed. I reminded myself of Anne when she gets married and moves to the little cottage by the sea and always takes excursions to the beach alone. It reminds me of my life now. Which...is awesome!! I just need the cottage by the sea.
-At home I did the dishes, and riding the satisfaction gained from that, kept doing one little tidying task after the other...each one encouraging me to do just one more. Before I knew it I had transformed the entire living-kitchen area. Sat down at the clean, un-cluttered kitchen table with a sigh of satisfaction and pleasure. That is just about the time when Shawn came home from work!
- A few friends came over and we played rummy and watched surf dvds. It was fun! I don't mind being the sole female energy in a group. Depending, actually on the type of male energy...
-I passed the frick out around midnight and slept soundly allllllll night.
Hi. I'm a robin. It's my birthday soon.
- Abraham-Hicks
Ok, so I found this Abraham-Hicks site, the "keep your bobber up" one, which I read whenever I have the chance...and I was under the impression that Abraham was a man. This is not so. Abraham is a "group of consciousness in the non-physical dimension" (Wikipedia) which Esther Hicks translates, if you will. Well, that makes a lot of sense, thinking back on how all the excerpts are phrased. In any case this site has been such an incredible source of help for me...especially if I happen to be in a negative rut and there's a big part of me that just wants me to give up and stay there. This site always tells me something that brightens me up or gives me fresh hope/enthusiasm/determination. It's a good one. When my new Mac arrives I'll print it out...with my printer that I bought 3 years ago and haven't been able to use yet! I hope it works with the Mac. (nervous giggle)
Yep, I bought one!!! I went all the frick-frack out! (haha, frick frack - I've started to...kind of by accident...invent my own line of swear words. So far they include frick, frack, and erganomics. Don't worry, I know there's a great many of you who will especially take offense to the frick-frack...I agree, it is pretty offensive. I blush when I say it, and yet it still comes blustering out of me. At least I am a very unique and exuberant dork)
Anyways, the Mac!! I went to the library on my day off and ordered it - a 27incher with 8 gig(gities) of memory and I don't know what else. I am excited. I can't really believe it. I've had that much money saved up before...why ever didn't I buy something so awesome with it? I kind of frittered it away uselessly...but that's neither here nor there because this time, I bought myself something awesome that is going to last and I am stolked.
The other day I had a day off by myself and this is what I did:
-I had a 3rd (extra) cup of coffee and did not make myself a breakfast of oatmeal until 11:30. In between that time I played the Sims...I must be honest. The sims always seems to jump out at me when something in my world gets a little more stressful than usual. But a sense of acute urgency never lets me play for long in any comfort.
-unfolded my limbs from the couch (felt the blood rush to my bum), made oatmeal and ate it, sat there meditating and writing in my journal.
-went for a mission walk down the street to the trail that cuts through a patch of forest and leads you to the big gravel lot wherein you can find Beaches...the tiny little grocery store. Where I bought some things for a salad and humous. I also bought two espresso rittersports (my new fave..hello!)
-at some point I went for a most exhilarating run. I ran to North Chestermans, along it and back. Basked in the openness and energy. Afterwards I went for a walk because I just hadn't had enough yet. Walked to Mackenzie Beach, which is just one long straight walk from my house with a little highway crossing in between. Ahhhhh. Drank in the energy there and walked back home high on beauty and completely soul-refreshed. I reminded myself of Anne when she gets married and moves to the little cottage by the sea and always takes excursions to the beach alone. It reminds me of my life now. Which...is awesome!! I just need the cottage by the sea.
-At home I did the dishes, and riding the satisfaction gained from that, kept doing one little tidying task after the other...each one encouraging me to do just one more. Before I knew it I had transformed the entire living-kitchen area. Sat down at the clean, un-cluttered kitchen table with a sigh of satisfaction and pleasure. That is just about the time when Shawn came home from work!
- A few friends came over and we played rummy and watched surf dvds. It was fun! I don't mind being the sole female energy in a group. Depending, actually on the type of male energy...
-I passed the frick out around midnight and slept soundly allllllll night.
Hi. I'm a robin. It's my birthday soon.
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