tidbits

I forgot to mention about the orcas. How could I have forgotten? It was on the ferry trip out to Tswassen at the very beginning of our trip. We were on the top deck huddled together watching stormy grey seas, when we heard a crew member announce that there was a pod of orcas off to the starboard front! We scrambled against the tremendous wind force to get to the other side of the ferry - and I saw them!! I saw 3 of them as they leapt through the water. It was my first time ever seeing orcas outside of my dreams. They were SO BEAUTIFUL.  I took it as a good omen for our trip.

Eastre has been sleeping by my head every night since we've been back (something she rarely does). She follows me from room to room.  And every time I pick her up, I'm rewarded with fuzzy purrs and slow eye-blinks. I missed her while we were gone. She is my furry companion.

since we've been back, me and Shawn went to see the new Twilight movie. It was better than expected.   We've made ourselves loco moco, too. Super easy to make, and MAN was it good. I added some balsamic vinegar over the finished product, which turned out to be an awesome thing to do. We've caught up on The Voice and The Walking Dead. I've been jotting in my notebook bits of story inspiration. The weather has been stormy and moody. We are planning to cut down our Christmas tree in a week! Christmas!!! We are also planning our next winter's vacation! I'm trying to stop myself from ending this post with something corny like "and thus, life goes on..." but it just keeps popping into my head. So I'm not going to fight anymore. And thus...life goes on. the end.

the beat goes on

Just before we landed back on Canadian soil, I looked out the window in time to see vancouver island waking up. snowy mountain ranges, with here and there spots of light where households were arousing. I've never seen the island from the air before. Shawn and I both left little piles of sand in our plane seats. It was 6am when we landed. We missed the bus to the ferry, and had to wait, exhausted and shocked from the cold (which I, in my spring jacket, was not prepared for) at the casino at Bridgeport station. We bought a little pizza and wolfed it down, and shared a coffee which seemed to do nothing. Finally on the ferry home, we tried to sleep fitfully on the un-accomodating slippery seats. But during the last stretch I stood at the front of the ferry and watched the view with sentimental eyes. I am such a part of this land, and coming home always feels like returning to myself. Every time I return the feeling is stronger. I live in the most beautiful place on earth! Hawaii's got nothing on vancouver island. (a 'fub is nothing if not loyal, but it's true even beyond my personal bias..which I do admit to freely).

I am STILL tired from the trip, even though I did nothing but sleep and eat the first day and a half back.

When we arrived in Honolulu, the sun had just set. Before us was a complete unknown. We had no plan whatsoever, beyond that we were going to catch a bus to Waikiki, where we figured it would be easiest to find a good place. The airport was open to the air, and warm, moist wafts embraced us immediately. I immediately spring into a comfortable sweat. (what?)
On the bus, a man started complaining to me about people that made traffic wait in dove talk. I could hardly understand a word, other than that he was being negative. I do NOT have to cooperate with this, I thought, and turned around, refusing to listen. He just kept muttering away. Shawn and I watched dark, foreign streets go by. Finally, the bus was announcing Waikiki-everything, and we got off. We walked into one hotel and asked the cheapest price. $166/night. We decided to keep looking. That one was close to the water.
Let's go back a bit from the water...the prices will probably go down, I suggested. So we turned around and walked in the other direction, only to find ourselves confronted by waterfront again. What the...? How can the world be doing this to us?? I remember thinking in confusion. Of course it was simple...one one end was Waikiki beach, and the other, only a few blocks away, was the Ala Wai channel. But in the dark, we couldn't tell it was a channel we were walking up to. Anyhow, I'm making this too long. We ended up finding a good place on our 3rd try, for only $85/night, and our room was overlooking the Ala Wai channel. Very nice. So finding a place ended up being quite easy.

Actually, we did not do very good at taking pictures. I wish we'd taken less of ourselves, and more of Hawaii. But there it is!

Our hotel offered a complimentary breakfast each day consisting of toast, a little croissant, a tiny cup of pineapple, and juice n' coffee and all that. The croissant was usually soggy and mushy from the server's glove (wet with pineapple juice). But when one is travling in Hawaii with no real budget to speak of, one does not turn one's nose up at free food. Little baby-sized pigeons hopped about the tables picking up crumbs. The bottom level of the hotel was open to the air, so pigeons were everywhere.

We didn't go on any tours. Our enjoyment of Hawaii was simply soaking it all in. Our first day, we wondered around Waikiki - went surfing at the beach, and swimming, and checked out the international market place. Everywhere were t-shirts (6 for twenty dollah) and jewellery made from shark's teeth, boars tusks, and koa wood. Little dancing hula girls for your dashboard (gosh dang it, forgot to get one of those for Truck Filbert) and cheap ukeleles. And then - while crossing the street to the beach that first night - I got lai'd! (lae'd?) And it was made of real flowers! I think they were orchids. They were white and touched with lilac, and there was a white satin bow holding it together. It was a little old Hawaiin lady who simply walked towards me smiling, and put it on my neck. It was amazing!! Everything I thought it would be and more. Here is me right after the fact.

Here is me swimming at Waikiki beach for the first time. You could stay in that warm water all day! And it was so salty. I could float on my back, and even my legs were held suspended right on top of the water. (usually they are like bricks, sinking me down.)

Our second day, we ventured to the other side of the island. The famed North Shore. Specifially, Hale'iwa (which means house of the big bird), the arts and cultural centre of the  north shore. The bus ride there was very, very long. It took us 3 hours in total, but there were two guys on the bus who started acting like our tour guides, and telling us about everything we passed. We were starving when we finally got there, the meagre bread + pineapple breakfast having long been hungrily absorbed. It happened to be the first day of the Thanksgiving weekend, so a lot of places were closed, but we found a restaurant called Pizza Bob's, and got a table outside. It was cloudy, and the air was warm and wet. This is were we were introduced to loco moco. I'd seen it mentioned for the first time about a week before on a special Hawaiin Iron Chef, and so when I saw it on the menu I told Shawn he HAD to get it. Two over-easy eggs a-top a beef patty on a bed of rice, smothered in spicy gravy and sprinkled with green onions. Add ketchup and hot sauce, and you have a major comfort food on your hands. It sounds really simple, but the ingredients all together are rather luscious, and if you are super hungry...I don't think you could do better! I forgot to get a pictue of it unfortuneately, but it was huge. Two different people approached Shawn and asked what he ordered. My own cajun fish sandwich was quite forgettable. The fish was soggy. But I didn't care. I was just so happy to be adventuring in a new place and on vacation.

After our meal, we wandered around the town weighed down with full tummies. We ended up at the beach where there was supposed to be a surf competition going on - but there wasn't. The waves weren't big enough. The sun came out hot, then dissappeared. A smattereing of rain refreshed us.

The rest of our time, we spent mostly in Waikiki, returning once more to the North Shore - Waimea - the most beautiful spot I saw. We hung out at pipeline and watched the surf, but it was pretty small that day. Definitely no signature huge, hollow waves breaking. The wind was onshore, meaning it was pushing the backs of the waves, causing them to collapse before a hollow tube could form. But the waves were still big and close to shore, which was neat. In Tofino when the waves are big, they always break so far off shore that you can't tell how big they are. So it was neat.

At the bus stop waiting to go back to Waikiki that first time in the north shore, we came accross a humorous spectacle. There was a couple from Germany - he was short and bald, and she had thick frizzy black hair - and they were waiting at the bus when we got there. The thing was, he had a fluffy pink lae wrapped around his shiny bald head, and two colourful ones around his neck - and she was the same!! They were totally decked out. Anyway, we started talking, and turns out they'd been to Tofino!! They were very cheeful and funny and actually, quite delightful. They had met some friends from Chilliwack in some earlier travels, and those friends had invited them to stay for free in the condo they owned on Maui, but they were staying for a couple days in Waikiki first. Lucky buggers. We rode on the bus with them, and got pictures with each other when we parted ways.

In Waikiki, we often found oursleves wandering the main strip at night, enjoying the warm air and performers everywhere. There was a man walking around with two parrots, and he wordlessly came up and put one on my hand, and one on Shawn, and took a picture. Give it a kiss! he told me, and as I did the parrot stuck out it's tongue. It was dry - it felt like a thumb on my lips. The pictures he took were super blurry, so I won't even include them. I also got a picture with a mime!

as you can see, I am a little over-exited to be 'hanging loose' with a mime..

Shawn and I in total vacation mode (hair still wet and sticky from the ocean and the pool):

 The ramp outside our hotel. I get sentimental about weird things.

This was me on our first day. I don't have a tan yet.

Shawn enjoying an iced coffee, with feet in the ocean at Waikiki. (he's wearing the cheap sunglasses I bought for myself while there)

I am modeling my new Hawaiin Island Creations top I got for 40% off at a black friday sale. It is my one Hawaiin momento, along with a small packet of polished shells me and Shawn plan on making into a picture frame. Also note the lovely pearl necklace made special for me by Verushka. She's Shawn's mom's best friend, and a good friend of mine now, too. She makes jewelry and essential oil potions for a living, and her especial thing with jewelry is pearls. She gave this necklace to me as a surpise gift after I picked out my favourite pearls (freshwater black ones - they are a coppery brown) and style - right before our trip. I thought I was going to buy it from her later, so it was super sweet of her. They are hung on brown silk. Anyways. Random.

Well, that was pretty much our vacation. We met another really nice old couple in our hotel, and kept bumping into them. They were in their 60's and she reminded me of a young grandma B. They had twin girls who married twin boys. We never got a picture with them, though. But they were lovely.

Our last day we spent almost entirely at the beach, swimming and sitting on the low stone wall that extended out into the water, seperating sections of beach. waves would come in and roll over the wall and you. There were also sooo many turtles. HUGE turtles. We were fascinated by them. Once, one came up for air right beside us while we were swimming. We literally spent hours watching them, and at one point a woman came up to us and showed us the amazing close-up photos she'd been able to take on turtle beach when one [turtle] came right up on the sand. She chatted with us for about an hour. She was Canadian, but had married a Texan and was living there now. Shawn and I did not realize how often we said "eh" - but people kept pointing it out to us while we were there, guessing we were Canadian. Well, it's just such a conveniant little word..! right?

Alright, I believe this does conclude the post.

Hawaii 'fub checking in

This is our last day here. I'm writing from the hospitality room in the hotel. We've already checked out, but our plane doesn't leave until 11:30 tonight. It's kind of nice I guess, because we still have all day to do stuff. After I write this, I am going to go swimming at Waikiki beach. The gentle turquoise water...sigh. I am going to miss that.

I have gone swimming every single day we've been here, and most days I've gone twice. I feel as if I've made up for a whole year of hardly swimming. Our hotel has a really nice pool, and hardly anyone uses it at night. I like floating on my back and seeing the moon and thinking of how this is the sky in the middle of the pacific ocean, and we are floating with it, so far removed from everything.

I even tried surfing here. I didn't manage to catch a wave though. Not for lack of trying. I didn't have a big enough board. The waves are so gentle at Waikiki that they're hard to catch. I paddled and paddled and paddled, but they just washed over me. Still, it was fun. but for a  'fub, nothing beats being immersed in silky, smooth, ripply water and just gliding through with nothing but my 'fub body. that is paradise for a 'fub.

We have done a lot more, of course, but I will wait until we get home and I can post the pictures, too. Aloha!!! :D

A Young Grasshopper:Tales of Bravery

I just had a good work out/iron chef session. I'm up to 15 minutes! Afterwards I felt the glow of my beating heart, and distracted myself with looking up other work-out moves to add to my routine, when I knew that I should be preparing for Hawaii....*gulp*. It's just that there's kind of a bundle for me yet to do. And the e.i. situation has not been helping. I know I said it went right through, but that turned out to be a lie. Fact is, my old Groovy Movie employer marked down that I quit - when I didn't. I remember clearly Shawn coming home right after having left for a shift, saying that Mike told him he didn't need us anymore. Anyway, blah blah blah - it has delayed a decision being made on my claim for over a MONTH. meanwhile, my funds have been dwindling into a tiny stub, and Hawaii has been zooming towards me. ZOOMING. After calling and talking to a few different agents, who all told me the same thing, I finally got a call from the head office today. So I explained things to her and she explained things to me and we got stuff figured out. My claim will almost certainly go through with or without the measly amount of hours I got from Groovy ...and I'll probably get the money the second day I'm in Hawaii.

I KNOW. what you are all thinking. Heck, I've thought it myself a thousand times. Impulsive, silly, irresponsible...and yet, everything is going to work out. I just know it. And next time, I will plan with more intelligence. Sigh. That is ALL I will say.

This has been a confessional, and I expect it to be treated gently. as if with a soft hand, subtly squeezing a knee.

The other day, chatting to Shawn through the shower curtain as I showered, I mentioned how I want to write a book. But what to write of? I know there's something emerging - I can feel it! I exclaimed. Pause. "Maybe...you should write about grasshoppers." Shawn offered from the next room.

wednesday night philosophizing

Winter has settled in full force. I'm gradually settling into a new routine. To compensate for not having running shoes, and in order to stay sane, I've been working out. I use the exercise ball and two cans of chick peas. I've found that it always works best if I'm watching the iron chef while I work out. If the iron chef isn't on while I'm working out, I'm apt to just quit. But there's something about that show...the fast pace probably.
The Hawaii trip looms nearer. Thankfully for my heart, my passport has finally arrived in the mail! Me and Shawn have decided to camp. We want to go to sleep hearing the waves roll up on shore, and wake up and be able to just roll out onto the sand and go for a swim! We're both super excited about it. Camping is the way to go! I camped almost the whole time I was in France and Amsterdam and I loved it. Each day felt so adventurous. There were some times...like having to air dry in the ...pretty much outdoor...showers in Amsterdam, (until Andreas was able to run and grab some toilet paper...yeah. It wasn't pretty.) And there was having to air dry in the showers in the campground outside Paris...there was a lot of air-drying. anyway, I'm not too worried about that, because we've been keeping updated on the weather forecast, and it looks to be sunny every day we're there except for one day. There might be a thunder and lightning shower expected that day...but...what more could we ask from our trip than such an extreme weather demonstration? Anyway, it'll be fun, and I can't wait to bask in the heat!

Eastre is stretched out - a fluffy carpet. She has a secret fluffing technique - subtly puffing out her fur -  that she employs to make herself irresistible. She does this to tease the weak-minded humans that happen to be around her.

Me and Shawn went out to open mic night again this week. We met up with some people that Shawn works with at Tony's. It was really crowded, and at first we were forced to stand by the bar for about 20 minutes before a table opened up. I am fascinated by how life decides to flash seemingly random things at you, glimpses of other people, like puzzle pieces. There is this girl who has always stood out to me at the co-op where she works as a cashier. Perhaps it is her hair - there's a stylized buzzed patch on one side of her head, and the rest of her hair is long and black. Pretty recognizable, is what I'm saying. Anyways, at Open Mic, she seemed to know all the people we were hanging out with, and eventually me, Shawn, her and one of Shawn's work friends found ourselves outside on the dock in the harbour. It was raining, so we were all huddled under the roof overhang of a little building in the middle of the dock. She began animatedly talking to me about mountains and energy and geographical connections. She talked and talked and talked...I listened. We had an interesting moment. Don't you wonder at the significance of seemingly random paths crossing and intersecting? Like the tapestry metaphor, if you could see all the connections from a high places, like little threads, it WOULD weave a design - a design of perfection. And so, no intersecting path can possibly be random, in my opinion. It's all part of the tapestry, and there isn't a part of the tapestry that is not perfect.

A philosophizing 'fub, out.

open mic night

The other night, Shawn and I went to open mic night at Jack's pub. We'd never gone together before. We rarely go out on the town, quite frankly. It's something I want to change, because it's so much fun to go out there and meet people and see familiar faces in that kind of environment and feel more a part of the community. But, it DOES usually end up costing a chunk of money. Thus why going out more remains a dream at this point. But open mic was a lot of fun! Tony, who owns Tony's pizza (shawn's new boss for the winter) was having his staff party and they joined us after a few hours - which meant free calamari and chicken wings - yay. The music was actually enjoyable too. I wasn't sure what to expect. A local guy, Chester, and the radio DJ, Geoff, pretty much dominated most of the night. Word on the street is that they dominate pretty much every open mic. But they were really good. They played some solid covers. Chester makes me and Shawn laugh because he acts like a rock star about his open mic status. Oh, and did I mention that the evil white cockatoo on Rio IS Chester? Not only does he have the exact accent, but there is something more...essence of Chester....in that character. i'm not sure how they did it, but they did.
At the end of the night when we got up to leave, an incident happened when I got up and attempted to walk over to where Shawn was standing, waiting for me. I found my way suddenly and squarely blocked by a tall dude with a pony-tail (I recognized him from his singing earlier in the night). I literally could not walk around him - I tried, and then gave up, and resigned myself for an awkward experience. Who does that?? Who TRAPS someone so they can talk to them? I mean, he had to have seen how I was peering around him for a way out. Anyway, as soon as I mentioned Shawn he was gone as suddenly as he had appeared, side-stepping neatly onto the dance floor and melting into the crowd of dancers. Aside from that brief awkward interlude though, it was a fun night.

I have a craving to make something super yummy. like a hearty french onion soup.

love can be

I once read that the poetry you write is a window into your soul at the time. Clichéd, but I have to agree with it whole-heartedly. My poetry of 2 - 8 years ago was scrambled and confused. for most of that time, I had no inspiration for any poetry at all. Up until very recently. Recently, poems pour out of me at unpredictable moments. Thoughts so golden I must write them down and attempt to give justice. They don't come from my mind. They are inspired through me.  I feel them in a way that is too powerful to NOT write them down. I am not claiming anything special. Anyone who has been inspired knows what I'm talking about. And you can't be human, and NOT have been inspired at some point or other. It is an impossibility, I firmly believe. Anyway, some poems I write are too personal and sacred to me to share, but I'd like to share this one.

God created us human
so that light could shine in the dark
so love could find an expression
so the power could be felt,
lived
love can be
and that is the gift

we are the gift
we are love

a poem

I am not my shoes. or my cat. Or any of my clothes.

I am not my thoughts. I am not my reactions. I am not my opinions.

I am not my knowledge. I am not my financial situation.

I am not my beliefs. I am not my fears. 

I am not my family. I am not my friends. I am not my co-workers.

I am not and I am.

I   am   

the jewel beyond the thought, underlying the beliefs.

I   am

the purest essence, indomitable love, unquenchable light.

I   am

so exquisitely beautiful, you cannot look on my shining

and not be moved.

I   am.

I   am.

I   am!

And joy flows through me like a river because

I am and we all are. 

message in a bottle

I am returned from a brief sojourn to Parksville. Unfortunately, my purse is still in Parksville. Sigh.

While in P-ville, I took care of business. Happily, my e.i. went right through and I'm now on the program and should have money put in my account this very DAY. Not so greatly, my passport didn't go through because of some missing info about my employment history (I didn't realize I had to tell them when i was unemployed too!) but that is all taken care of, and I should be getting my passport in 2 weeks! Right on time!! PHEWPH. Just so you can put your minds at ease, I look good in my new passport photo. This passport is going to kick my last passport's butt. (good riddance tight mouth stretched over large, braces-laden teeth). I'm not shallow. I'm not. But a good-looking passport feels good.

I've become hooked on The Voice. LOVE IT. Some of the performances send tingles through my entire BODY, like the battle between De'borah and Nelly's Echo - message in a bottle - AHH! De'borah is my favourite. I hope she wins. I lust after her voice. And I don't even have to mention the battle between Amanda Brown and Trevin Hunt - vision of love by Mariah Carey - that was just mind-blowing. Anehway.

so it feels good to have my affairs mostly in order now. the exciting task remains for me and Shawn to book our Hawaii accommodation. We're going to do that tonight. I cannot wait to be in Hawaii.

Well, I have been working on some paintings. One of them is shockingly beautiful in it's beginning stages. That can sometimes hold me back, because I am loathe to add something less perfect than what has miraculously happened already on the canvas. But it is also exciting and draws me to it, because I think I'm on to something. Something really, really good. I'll post pictures when I am done. I also have some hilarious cartoons (in my opinion) to post, if I can get my scanner to work. It hasn't been cooperating.

garage band is fun

I was playing around with loops in garage band, and came up with this. I love forming beautiful melodies (and..do it often in my head or while alone listening to music), and with these guitar loops that I found, the melody grew very naturally for me. for the lyrics, I just sang the first words that came to mind. That is the kind of artist I am. Improv! I hope you enjoy. I have no knowledge of actually recording, so. But I think you'll be able to look past that. In fact, I know you will. If you were here, I would gently squeeze your shoulder.
Anyway, it's not done yet, and there's some breathing things I need to tweak.

morning walk photos

I cut my way through town using the alley that winds it's way in between CIBC and the Common Loaf, passing by the back of Castaways, which is often littered with new donated goods. I stopped to snap a quick shot of an aged post.

blackberries tumble over the decrepit wooden fences that line the alley.

a tangle of blackberry through the fence.

The alley opens up beside Schooner's, which I walked past breathing as little as possible. It stank like rotten fish. I walked through a cloud of flies. I turned the corner onto Neil st. and walked past the skate park.

RIP Jamie

the Tofino school bus.

My meandering footsteps took me to Main st. A bramble of blackberries and browned butterfly bushes overlook the Sound in the shaded parking lot beside the Credit Union.

I sat for awhile on some shaded steps that cut through a condo building on Main st. I enjoy the grassy roof of that building...which, unromantically, is the Condo sales building. Should definitely be more public. Such a beautiful situation...

some stair shots, just for fun.

Beside The Shore building on Main, there is this cute little gate (which is beside a steep path leading down to the Atleo air/Ocean Outfitters dock). There is actually a very old, mostly forgotten about road behind that gate. 

This is the roof/deck of a small brick building built into a hill that leads down to the ocean. It's beside the Sushi Bar. It's one of my favourite buildings in Tofino. Love. ut. 

Rumour has it, it is on it's way to becoming an Italian Restaurant. I very much hope this is true. Tofino doesn't even HAVE an Italian Restaurant - in my opinion, it's badly needed. 

Spiderwebs!

This is the side of it. The front is all glass, with a gorgeous view of the Sound.

I cut down towards the water at the brick, soon-to-be Italian Restaurant. Past Remote Passages. I used their boat ramp to get to the beach. The Ocean Route along Main st. is hardly ever used. Aside from otters and raccoons that is...here you see a raccoon's paw sunk into the sand.

low tide.

The Coast Guard building. 

I played around with the colour on this one.

passing the ocean side of Tofino Sea Kayaking, I cut through the field beside them to get back onto the road. Walking back through town I didn't take any pictures until I got back home. 

I'm going to go on a morning walk every day while the weather's nice...and it's supposed to be nice, with not a drop of rain in sight for 2 whole weeks!

fresh starts and whatnot

What a difference it makes to wake up in a tidy and organized environment. Me and Shawn cleaned the apartment yesterday, and it badly needed it. I had been succumbing to chaos, and sinking into the abyss of self-destructive habits. I was not doing anything with my days. I was hiding, and shrinking, and shirking, and denying. I felt like a big, raw, wound.
Last night I went to bed with a cup of skullcap tea (it calms, soothes, and relaxes), watching Little Women and let myself cry and express this un-understood pain. What is it about that movie? It almost feels like home. Maybe it's the sisterly bonds and the womanly wisdom that make it a movie I always want to watch when I feel like I need to heal. Anyways. I'm a big emotional sap right now. Sorry about that. I don't always have it together. not that that needs to be pointed out. I'm sure I've made that abundantly clear before.
But I DID start writing this post on a positive note, because this morning I woke up feeling better than I had in days. Me and Shawn cuddled and kissed and talked quietly in bed, and then I got up and padded around in our freshly clean apartment. The sky was already a blazing blue. The thought of going for a quiet morning walk filled me with promise of refreshment and inspiration. So that is what I am going to do. I have already eaten my morning bagel and had my cup of coffee. Shawn is out for a morning wave session. When I come back, maybe I will start writing a book, that will change my life forever. Or maybe I'll start THE painting, that launches my artistic career. Who knows? That is the miracle of each new moment! Each one holds the promise of a fresh start.

Stay Tuned: drawings + cartoons coming soon!

So, I have very recently stopped procrastinating, and hooked my printer (that I got 2.5 years ago when I bought my tiny little laptop{$400}- which, fyi, died 6 months later...turns out the printer, which cost me $30 as a promotional deal, was a much better buy..)up to my computer!! It has a scanner. So now...nothing is stopping me from scanning and sharing with you my cartoony art and other drawings/art. As my life is so uneventful these days that I constantly struggle for something interesting to blog about, this is the perfect solution. A life viewed through cartoons is inevitably interesting!

blackberry banana bread

Hi folks. This is me today. I'm shrugging in the photo because it's a shrug type of day.
What to do? I need an active occupation.
I need to make blackberry banana bread. With sour cream glaze...

pookitties

I am wearing my red pants today. No make-up. My hair is pulled back straight in a slightly frizzed pony. A clean white tee. clean bold contrasts are my cup of tea right now.  I confess I have not done much today. For much of the day I lolled on the couch playing the sims...eventually I got up to walk into town and get something to eat (because we need to grocery shop). I ate out in the sun. When I got back I did the dishes and shawn got home from surfing and tidied up the living area. Our friend who is couch surfing on our couch tonight came over and started playing online poker with shawn. And that is my day. Not much to it, if I were to avoid telling a falsehood.  At least the kitchen is shiny.

Me and Shawn had to transport our friend's cats yesterday from Parksville to Ukee. They're having a baby, and wanted to get rid of their two cats because of it. It's a long story, but Shawn basically found them a home so they didn't have to go to the SPCA. Thus the transporting. We had to squish them (a brother and a sister..the male is a huge orange tabby) both into a carrying cage that wasn't nearly big enough. Neither had traveled before, but they seemed to be alright - we hardly heard any meows from them the whole trip. That is until we hit Cox Bay area...."Shawn, is that POO I smell?!" I inquired, disbelieving. But the smell grew more intense. No fart ever smelt like that. The cats both starting meowing. "That is DEFINITELY poo" I said superfluously. We pulled the truck over, but it was an unsafe place to take the cats out of the cage, so there was nothing for it but to get home as fast as we could. Luckily they had sent us away with one of their towels in the cat cage...
Anyway, the short time we had them in our apartment was dramatic. Gone any way-ward thoughts in Shawn's head about having 3 cats in our apartment.
After Shawn left for Ukee with the cats, Eastre was aggressively affectionate, head-butting and rolling all over me. A splurge of affection, in her case. She is usually very purr-y, but much more subtle. It was cute.

errant aerobies and an industrious morning

This morning I couldn't sleep in past 8:00. The blankets and fubman were perfectly arranged around me as to afford perfect softness - structure ratio...but my body was awake, and wouldn't succumb to the charms. After our morning meditation (which we usually do first thing as soon as we wake up) I seized an industrious impulse and started picking up the room. Shawn caught on right away and started doing the dishes. We bustled pleasantly together, and soon the coffee pot was puffing away in a shiny kitchen, and I made breakfast: scrambled eggs consisting of sautéed onions - with fresh tomato and crushed organic garlic (from a farm outside Ukee)...sprinkled with freshly ground smoked cyprus sea salt (a delicacy me and Shawn stumbled upon! sooo good!). I also fried up some bacon, and we made little breakfast wraps with the scrambled eggs, bacon, avacado, mayo, some organic Ukee farm greens...and cheddar. SO GOOD!! I love a good breakfast.

Now what. I'm not working anymore. My job is done for the season. This morning as I was tidying the living room, my eye caught on an old painting I've been doing over. It used to be two large black women (although the taller one EVERYONE thought was a man...and I can see why, except for the fact that I put an exorbitant bum on her...a very unmanly bum, but whatever) standing in front of a river with one of them holding a basket of fish on her head. I've gotten rid of womanly-figured man, and the other woman is now striking a very dynamic pose, as if she is dancing (and in my head, I see her dancing around a fire). Hmm. Maybe I'll work on it today.

Yesterday Shawn and I went to the golf course and threw our aerobie around. Only, luck was not on our side. Haha, poor fubman. Forcing his way, disgruntled and with sticks and leaves in his hair, out of a seemingly un-passable bush of salmon berry in order to retrieve an errant aerobie. And then having to climb the super prickly ponderosa pine almost all the way to the top...we soon left after that.

Him and Darren are outside as I type on our tiny patio fibreglassing their boards. I am making some spearmint iced tea (from Shawn's mom's garden).

All of a sudden I have so much free time.

frisbub

I just noticed how my profile picture on facebook, set against my cover photo, makes it look as if I am hopping, skipping and leaping my way to Baja! How fitting, since I WILL be flying to a warm place soon. Anehway.
I'm on my last few days of work afore the season ends. It is soooo slow. Like a drop of sap stickling it's way down a tree during a freeze. Today I was so bored. There was nothing to do. I had deep-cleaned and organized, and stitched every suit that need stitching. No phone calls or emails to attend to. Yesterday, a very similar type of day, I kept thinking to myself (while walking the gravel path in between the shop and the fence to boss's house) wouldn't it be nice if I cleaned up this area a bit? wouldn't it be nice if I could rake it? But I could not find a rake anywhere. I even peered into boss's backyard timidly, and then ventured all the way in and looked around, but not a rake in sight. Well today, walking down the gravel path and noting it's messiness, I thought about raking it again - and just happened to spot an old, rusted, falling-apart rake hidden behind some surf boards. Yay! Triumph. So I occupied myself for awhile. Raking is such a satisfying thing to do. It changes the appearance so quickly from ragged, to neat and orderly, lumpy and uneven to smooth.
Then I went all the way to the bottom of the gloves + hoods bin and oranized every last glove and mismatched bootie that had somehow ended up there, and cleaned out the whole bin (which was rather disgusting).

I work with a tall boy who is all limbs. His head is topped with exuberant blond curls. His face is blue-eyed, boyish and freckled. Sometimes he comes back from teaching a lesson in bare feet with his jeans rolled up around his ankles (his legs look sooooo long when he does this). On such occasions it's almost all I can do to not tell him that he's Huckleberry Fin. (seriously!! it's EXACTLY what mark twain had in mind, I'm sure of it...it drives me a little crazy.) But I'm much too proper at work still...I've only just ventured to start hinting at making cheeky jokes. The other boy I work with is similarly tall and thin and laughs in a short burst of "HAH"!  in a hearty yet shy gesture. Observations about people are so much fun, aren't they? I love to paint pictures of them. With words and otherwise.

Me and Shawn bought a hot pink frisbee thing. (one of those things with no middle that fly super fast and far. google search failed me when I tried to find out what they're called) BEST. Buy. Ever. We have been going out nightly to the park beside our apartments...me always bare foot...and playing until the sun goes down and we can't see it anymore. So much fun in such a little piece of rubber!

it is not your time.

'fub is right. It is time for a post. mind you, I tried writing posts multiple times since the reunion. for some reason, I couldn't get anything out.
these days, I feel watery and wave-ery. Like a person waking up in the morning, in that space between consciousness, the dream world and the waking world meshing into one. I am losing my sense of self. It is disconcerting. It is scary learning to relate to others in a whole new way. Where is it that I'm standing? Whose voice am I expressing? Where is the backbone of me? Where is the solid foundation for me to stand on? I don't want any foundation but THE foundation, the one that can't ever break or be destroyed. I don't want to put in place another structure, which will either tumble into shame or eventually become so brittle it will break with the pressure.
The Rock of Ages if you will.

Ever think while you're tasting the sweetness of a peach...how amazing it is, all the different kinds of sweetness? There's the sweet nectar of mangos. There's sweetness of apples (and inside that, unlimited kinds of sweetness in different kinds of apples!) There's the sugary sweetness of maple syrup. So many, all so great! What's even MORE awe-inspiring is the delicious kinds of people sweetness. It's just the same. You might really mesh with one person who makes you feel the way you feel when you let chocolate sumptuously melt in your mouth. One person might give you the bright spurt of energy very like the bright juice of an orange bursting in your mouth. The way your whole body feels and reacts when you eat something super tasty is very like the way your body reacts when meshing with a super tasty (feeling) person. I think I've made my point. I just love looking at it that way! i have to say, I was captivated by my own thought. ...which is only as it should be people.

OH! by the WAY...I saved the best for last!
It was Shawn's 25'th birthday a week ago, on the 7th. I wanted to get him something he'd always remember, and so (really last-minute and in a breathless spurt of spontaneity)I bought us both tickets to HAWAII!!! It is done! We are going! I am sooo excited. We're leaving for a week in november (19 - 26). I have been doing almost nothing but looking up vacation rentals and hotels and camping on Oahu - that's the island we're flying to, and we're just going to stay on it. At first we wanted to stay on the North Shore, but places are fewer and more expensive in general over there...if we stay closer to Honolulu, we can get a place with a pool!
OR, we can camp on the North Shore - there's these tiny cabins we could rent for $70/night with private showers. RIGHT on the beach. We'd have to bring everything from toilet paper and linens to cooking utensils and even a broom. Anyone got an opinion??

A tale of woe begetting a 'fub and the subsequence relief of said woe. That, and surfing.

Today I only had to work a half day at work. That's because there were no instructors to do lessons. I hung around and did all my chores. I made various stabs at starting a fire - in the wood-burning stove of course, what do you take me for?! - for it was misting out and there was many a wetsuit to dry. I'd been at work for about 45 minutes, when I felt the familiar and expected urge to relieve my liquids. No problem! Easily taken care of. Raph and his family may be GONE, but they left me with a key (or at least told me where to find the key)to get into their home to use the bathroom. So I expectantly put my hand where the key was supposed to be. It was...not there. I looked, immediately harried, all around me. no sign of any key. Ok...I thought. Well, that sucks. But what can I do? I have stuff to do. There's no one I can call. maybe, if I don't drink any water, it won't be so bad! So back to work I go. 

Needless to say, I went back to the porch many times in greater and greater states of desperation. After about 3-4 hours in I had gotten way past the point of respect for someone else's home. I was standing feverishly jamming my bobby pin into the lock. Of every door I found. I've never learnt the art of jimmying a lock, so I don't think I need to inform anyone that this was unsuccessful. (I should add right about now that by this point it was not just #1 clamouring for a way out. I'm sorry, but this piece of information is a vital part of the over-all feel of the story). Anyway. I had already circled the house like a vulture, trying to find a way in. Even a window. About my 3rd time checking a back door, I finally spotted a key. I GRABBED it and deliriously shoved it in the lock. It turned! I had that door open and was through the room and on the toilet in 3, maybe 5 seconds. Ah the euphoria. Honestly, it was almost worth the whole episode of torture. 

Ok, on to surfing. I went surfing yesterday. me and Shawn brought some boards home with us from my work. I am going to be perfectly honest. I was resisting. RESISTING RESISTING RESISTING. One can get into the habit of resisting all of life's new experiences. And that's just fine. There is nothing wrong with that. Because you'll only do it for as long as you want to. Sooner or later, life must be lived.  But only once you decide it is more worth it than being safe. That may not have been what was running through my mind word-for-word, but it was the jist of the idea. 

Then there was this girl, who kept popping into my head. Well, she popped into my head once, and then I kept calling her back there for reassurance. She's from Germany I think, and she had rented from us for a few days in a row. I saw her yesterday dropping off the gear she rented. Her cheeks were flushed. Her eyes were bright. There was palpable health and radiance coming off of her. THAT is what I want. So I just kept replacing my image of fear with the image of her. and then making her me. It worked. I managed to get into my suit and into the truck. I was remembering bits and pieces of how I used to feel when I was younger and much more fearless (in certain ways). I would feel excited and eager. And then, in the truck on the way, it came over me in a wave: excitement for good times. 

Anyways, I'm making this into much more of an epic tale than it was. To make a long story shorter, I paddled out past the white wash for the first time since that errant head-high wave pummelled me a year and a half ago. The surf was gentle. I lay on my board and bobbed on the swells. Felt the in-and-out breath of the sea. I kept on getting afraid, (remembering the unpredictable sea of that pummelling wave of yesteryear) and calming myself down. The sea was much, much calmer. There were only beginners out in it. The other beginners gave me confidence.

We'd probably been lying there for 45 minutes before I said I wanted to catch something. The sets of surfable waves were about 15 minutes apart, and it was the 3rd or 4th set...fubman paddled with me, as per my request. We caught the wave together. I got up into a crouch, and watched the water rushing past, and the pearling foam around my board. It was fun! But it was so short. I got up, crouched, and jumped off, basically. 

Well, that's all Imma write about for now. 

unimog and kinship with bugs

a unimog.

It is my second day off today, and I spent the morning helping shawn to trim a hedge and weed some gravel. My wrists feel weak and slightly rubbery from holding the heavy, vibrating trimmer at such awkward angles. The place where we were working was super close to the grocery store, so when I was done I walked there and picked up some things me and Shawn need. It was a blonde lady at the till who I always detect a funny vibe from, and so consequently am always slightly funny towards. But today I decided to ignore that, and flashed her two bright and open smiles just because, because I AM bright and open and that's that. It made me feel good. Walking home with my loot, I practiced my new approach when I passed people on the sidewalk. Instead of feeling like I want to hide when I pass someone, I instead would really look at them and think, "who is this person?"...rather with a curiosity at the beings who I am interacting with than a fear at what they might think of me. Or whatever. And if they look up and meet my gaze, I then can give them a warm smile because I am regarding them from a place where I'm remembering ...our equality, for lack of a better word. And it just makes me feel warm. Everybody alive in this physical world is taking on their own personal challenges in order to help out the whole of existence. I firmly believe that. Looking at a fellow being (whether it be a fuzzy, vibrating bumble bee, a cat, or another human) you can always feel a kinship.
It sounds strange, but I have a lot of tenderness in my heart for bugs. When you look at their world, they are so small and brave. It is so easy for us to crush them. It must be a Divine influence that makes you love something simply because you see how much bigger you are than something and how easy it would be for you to take that something's life. You know, it shouldn't sound strange that I have a soft spot for bugs, or for any other creature. It is such a narrow point of view to say that their lives mean less because...why? they are so small? they are a nuisance at times? they scare you? What is the justification?  they are different. They are not human. But the life inside us is the same life that fills a bug. We don't hold any sort of monopoly when it comes to life-sacredness. I'm just going to keep going. There are a lot of bugs at my new job. The other day I watched a little jumping spider crawl across the paper I was drawing on. I moved to get a better look at him, and saw his tiny little eyes look way, way, way up to regard me. We stared at each other. Than he moved on. I watched as a furry little bee tumbled around in the flowers standing in the vase in front of me. His speed was at an entirely different level than mine. I could feel it when it buzzed away, veering towards me for a second, when I visibly jumped back, feeling the intense, buzzing, speed. You definitely feel them when they are around you. And it usually makes you anxious because, from what I perceive, they feel so intense, dense and fast. Too fast. They zip around like they have secret jet packs attached to their feet. compared to them, we are plodding creatures...slow, and muddled. No wonder they feel so disturbing when they burst into our energy fields with all their ferociously focussed energy. Anyways. I suppose that's enough rhapsodizing on the subject. I hope i haven't bored anyone to death. i'm fully expecting to be made fun of for spending so much time talking about bugs. I mean, clearly I have too much time on my hands...

I should write a book. But on what? Bugs and flowers and wind in the trees? Who would read THAT? I want to write a book and get published, but I never have a clear vision of what to write about. Too many things inspire me, and then I can't maintain that. The whole scattered sparks thing. I need a steady flame!

a mantra

love, be strong
love be fierce
love do not waver
love, hold me up

hot cheek'd burble

A day at my new job. 

I unlock the surf shack. I turn on the light, pausing to note how it does nothing to illumine the inside of the shop whatsoever. Turn on the open sign, the radio, put the surf video on repeat. Check the book and see what's happening for the day. Check to make sure everything is ready for any upcoming lessons. Check emails on the iPhone. Sit back, and wait for people to show up for lesson, if there's a morning one. If not, I'd walk around back, pushing open the tall stiff wooden gate. I'd see if there were any wetsuits/booties that were dry and ready to come inside. I'd take care of that. While doing so, I usually look around and appreciate the peaceful, quiet area that i'm in - the wind in the trees of course, and the birds chirp-a-lurping. It has such a tranquil feel. After taking care of the wetsuits, I'd sweep, clean some windows, and stoke the fire (if there is one). After that, I'll have exhausted my options for chores. This is when I take out a book, or some paper and a pencil and start to draw. 

sound of wind whispering and carrying distant voices. sea birds calling. 

A few hours later, if there was a lesson, they'd be returning, and it's my job to be all friendly and ask them how their lesson was. Then the instructor and I clean the wetsuits and hang them up to dry.  After which I empty out the tub and fill it with clean soapy water.  Then I'll hoist myself into the unimog and sweep out all the sand. After that, if there's an afternoon lesson I might just double check everything's tickety-boo for it. If there isn't one, I once again have free time. Of course, during the course of the whole day I must answer phone calls - but the phone has never rung more than 3-4 times in one day so far. Also it's my job to text the instructors to let them know of their upcoming lessons. Occasionally some people come in to rent some gear too. so sometimes I'm kept in semi-bustling motion for most of the shift. But those are the rare days. So far. 

Today the sun was shining full force, and as I type I am nursing a sun burn...(mostly on one side of my 

body.  i.e. my right cheek and right arm...from sitting out in it with my current book for most of the day. 

I can't even believe how fortunate I am with this job. Where did it come from? It fell from the sky right into my lap. First the blessing of release from my old, miserable job - which I WAS planning on suffering through. And then right on it's heels, a most idyllic job is given to me. The kind of job I've been looking for my whole life (seriously. Mixture of stimulation/satisfying hand work and total rest? working alone?! and then on top of that the mellow vibe of the owner and his wife?? And how nice they are, and appreciative already...I really like them). I never ever would have applied for that job, either. It's like there's nothing I could do - I was going to be blessed whether I helped it along or not. Thank you Divine forces. Thank you myself, for being positive enough to let this happen.

But anyways, I have grown a brand new love of drawing. I have always before been too impatient to get very detailed when copying anything - but now it is something I'm consciously cultivating...and it has been surprisingly pleasurable and satisfying. I am mainly drawn towards drawing plants: flowers and trees and ferns. It stops your mind when you make yourself really, REALLY, look at something - exactly look at it, and try to draw exactly what it is that you see. Without fudging any one part of it. It's been challenging and fun. Perhaps, when my printer/scanner is all set up, I'll post a few of my drawings. Peh-haps. My cheek is hot. 

slump n' rise, as well as an evening on the beach

yesterday I curled up in bed and I read. I made myself a breakfast of poached egg over chick peas (avec grape seed oil and freshly ground salt n' pepper and a crushed clove of garlic), with a few sunburst orange cherry tomatoes on the side. I found it quite satisfying.
sometimes you must let yourself slump, and yesterday was one of those days where it feels as if one has no choice. emotionally and psychologically i was overwhelmed. I get like that during the ...heaviest... "time of the month". If you catch my meaning. I accept it. I watched "the notebook" and let myself cry. I had a luxurious shower. I dressed in my comfiest clothes. I did nothing all day, just let myself feel the various pressing emotions and fears. I feel as if it is a time of release.

Today, I woke up a brand new Amy! Industriously I cleaned all the dishes that had been piling up in the sink. I washed the cupboards and the outside of the fridge. I put away all clothes that had been lazily slumped here and there. I made myself a breakfast of peanut butter and jam bun, and then I resolutely put on the BennyBoats (the white jogging brick shoes that ben has graciously lent to me) and my blue ball cap and went for a jog. The responsibilities of life, which were pressing on me so heavily yesterday, today are mysteriously lifted - and seem easier to face with more enthusiasm. Perhaps I succeeded in releasing a little something yesterday, and next time it won't be so heavy.

In other news, me and shawn had a lovely evening the other day on the beach. We stuffed a backpack full of snack + beverage, along with some ripped up cardboard box for starting the fire, and walked down to a private entrance that we know of. It leads you to a bit of beach overlooking the sound, but no one else is ever there because the only entrance to it is through the yard of an abandoned house.
On the walk over I noted the sun-drenched world around me. Nodding forget-me-nots, blazing poppies, the bright green new shoots of the pines and cedars. The glow of deep sun was embracing everything. It was the kind of afternoon that makes you remember fat bumblebees tumbling through blossoms and the sound of the wind sifting through lofty leaves. also the smell of a BBQ wafting through the air, mingling with fresh sea notes, and people laughing.

At our site on the beach, shawn soon had a fire blazing. we talked of spiritual things and life and sunsets and our dream house and how much fun it would be to have a boat.
In the dark, we walked back home, smelling of beachfire and bug spray. I love summer.

our minds were meant to soar

I've been thinking of flying a lot of late. While I'm staring at the ocean or out the window at the tree tops (where a crow is perched perfectly balanced at the very top of one), it just comes over me - a desire to interact differently with the environment. To experience it from the air, weightless, free, soaring. :D I imagine myself doing it. I even had a dream not too long ago where I could fly effortlessly. All I needed was a running start or a big jump. It's the only dream I can remember having where I could fly and stay in control at the same time, and not freak out. 

Anyway, interestingly enough, amidst all this longing, came a friend of shawn's mom's. vera. we were in parksville, picking up a lawn mower for shawn, and she dropped by while we were there. And guess what she talked about to us nearly the whole time: her son. Who just happens to be a hang gliding instructor - who has lived in brazil, is living now in costa rica (I can't even remember the other places he's lived in) - point is, he has a very liberated life living in costa rica taking people out hang gliding for a living. HANG GLIDING. Why does it feel as if my life is meant to be filled with that kind of exhilaration? Soaring through warm sunsets...dipping in the air above the shimmering ocean. Oh i want. 

new beginnings (synchronicity)!

I had a synchronistic happening pertaining to my job situation, and I'm gonna tell you about it. The day before my last day at Covet, a girl came in to say hi - a girl I used to work with there, but had quit earlier in the year. I told her the situation (about being 'let go') and she was quite sympathetic about it, but then we changed the subject and that was that. However, a couple days ago I got a text from her asking to meet her at her work. So I went - turns out she was interested in getting this other, higher-paying job, and wanted to recommend me for replacing her. The job, by the way is in a tiny little surf school (the building only fits one small rack of clothing, a corner change room (hung with a curtain) by the front door, and then a tiny little desk at the back corner with the booking forms and pos machine and what-not.) No computer. There's a door at the back leading to the wetsuit room. My job would be to basically co-ordinate - take bookings, payments, make people sign waivers, that kinda thing. It's a very laid-back vibe. There's busy times when the lessons go out, but in between lessons you can read a book or knit if you want. So anyways, I went in today to see a lesson go out, and I pretty much have the job. The only thing is, the girl I'm replacing hasn't actually gotten hired at this other place yet. She's pretty sure about it, but obviously everything's kinda hinging on that.
The coolest part is that I didn't even have to TRY to get a job - it came to ME. If it is indeed going to be my job. (I always have the voice of Laura Ingalls' Ma in my head telling me something about "counting chickens before they're hatched" - seriously, all the common sense you'll ever need is in those "little house" books.)

Speaking of which, I've been pondering a little on the Anne of Green Gables books I read so much growing up. It's random, but you know how in school, often you are told to site your heroes, people you look up to? Well...when I was little, that one ALWAYS stumped me. I didn't know myself or the ways of the world well enough to understand how influenced I was by the people around me. I knew that every single one of my older brothers and sisters I adored - I didn't realize that I tried to emulate them though. Which of course I did. So those were my 'real life' heroes.
But then there were my fictional ones. I look back now at how I devoured the A of GG books and I can see more of what they meant to me back then. Anne is a character that I definitely resonated deeply with back then and now too. Her sensitivity. her poetic love of beauty. The way she cherished the vulnerable yet untarnished truth of children. Her fiery spark. How she believed in dreaming. And whimsical-ness. Her support of the underdog. The list goes on. Fact is, Anne and me come from the same line of dreamers. Even if she IS a fictional character. I'm not saying I'm exactly like her, but I'd like to be. There. I said it. And i think that I drew a lot of comfort reading about her growing up, as I grew up myself. Funny innit. How much books can influence you..how much everything does, when you think about it, even though you don't realize.

confrontations

I've been having confrontations with none other than myself.
I am like a flame, that, when dispersed, is like a bunch of tiny sparks scattered in all directions. What I need is to focus the sparks into a unified passion.
Time to stop hiding from my gifts. On old report cards, the common thread in all my teacher's comments was "Amy has great potential but doesn't apply herself". Which seems to fit into a description of most of my life. Well...perhaps it's time to apply myself! And see what exciting things come of it!

Self discipline is the first thing I intend to focus my energies on. Health, cleanliness (of self and surroundings), orderliness, exercise, and definitely not least - meditation. In that kind of environment, creativity can thrive - which is what I next want to focus on. I don't know where I'm going to focus my passion. I'm sure it will come to me in inspiration. In the mean time, I'll prepare the right environment!

It is no accident that I am probably the most messy, disorganized, meandering person most people have EVER met. Wouldn't you agree that those are the lessons to be learned on the path TO discipline, order, and harmony? Also, I like to believe that my experiences in the field of work are no accident. Mustn't I experience the unjust and unethical side of being an employee if I ever want to be the channel through which positive change to the opposite side of good, compassionate ethics happen? I've always felt so passionately about that subject because I know the experience of contributing your valuable effort and being completely undervalued...which is the most common experience in the lower-end type of jobs I've had. In a perfect world (which is where we must be heading), could you see that happening? No. Every effort from every person would be appreciated for what it was: vital and important. People wouldn't be expected to "give their life" to their job. ...on the other hand though, in a perfect world, everyone would be lead by their hearts to do that which most fulfills them, and all the basic necessities of life would be provided - free - which would of course be what liberates people to follow their hearts.

In this perfect world, I have a house tucked away in a private little pocket. The wind shivers through the trees, tickling wind chimes that hang from many branches. Sparkles of blue glimmer through the trees. A sinewy path curves around exposed roots and stones, through the rainforest to a little cove. I have a laundry line that stretches from the upper (wrap-around) deck to the trunk of a tree. I have a little girl and two cats and two dogs...and obviously my lovely Shawn. I write, paint, sculpt, and create for fun and for a living. I swim in the salty sea with my daughter and collect seaweed. I grow dandelions and lavender, feverfew, mint, lemon balm, calendula, borage, and many other herbs and also vegetables. I want there to be a profusion of campanula all over my yard. The back door entrance to my home leads into a mudroom which is impossible to keep from being constantly sandy. It has a warm, cozy feel.
It's fun to dream.

A First

Yesterday, I mowed a lawn - for the first time in my life! I've always had peculiar resistance to that particular task, even when me and Shawn were doing the gardening thing together. I don't know why...I'm always reluctant to take on a big, heavy, loud machine. It could be construed from a healthy respect of them, which I think is good, because I am always very thorough and exact when using them. Don't get me wrong - there's no fear...just resistance. Resistances that pop up sometimes completely mystify me, while at the same time I can't ignore the effect they have. I'm usually unwilling to open up. A funny example is movies: I find it extremely hard to watch a new movie. And then there's learning how to drive a standard. Shawn's truck is standard. WHY haven't I learned it yet? When he's always offering to teach me? Because each time the subject comes up I feel a big push of resistance and it's so emotionally uncomfortable I just don't want to go there. Anyways. On the OTHER hand I've been getting more inspired to transcend these things that hold me in spot. A manifestation of that is the fact that I MOWED A LAWN yesterday. yay. A triumph!
It wasn't just your regular joe kinda lawn either. It was a HUGE lawn. The front of it alone was huge, but then there was also the back, and sides, and other random pieces. Each of the sections were multiple-lawn size. You get what I am saying - it was a big project.

I loved it! The property was gorgeous, bordered on 3 sides with a wild growth of alders and tall, tall cedar & fir - with clumps here and there of hydrangeas and rhododendrons. The back side was open to the sea. No one lives in the old house on the property, so I was all alone, which I reveled in. Line after line, cutting satisfying swaths. I loved the zen of focussing on the lines. I loved the feeling of doing a good job. On top of it all, I made $85! And it really helped Shawn out, as he was able to get a bunch of other, smaller jobs done that day that he otherwise would have had to put off. He actually came over as I was finishing up and did the weed-wacking. We finished together at around 8:30pm. My hands were tingling from the constant vibrations of the mower, my bones felt pleasantly fatigued, and my whole body felt gently worked-out. Too tired to clean and cook. We got a pizza for dinner, and vegged out in front of 'monsters, inc' - which we passed out during. I woke up at 3am, turned off the TV and the light, put the pizza in the fridge and plopped back in bed, where I fell immediately back to sleep.

3 more work shifts to endure before I am free...