candlelight

Shawn and I woke up early yesterday, before it was light out, well-rested. I'm talking really early - 4am early. It may have been the storm. Outside, the wind was rushing and howling by so loudly, it sounded as though the windows and door were open (which they weren't). But we both got up and actually had a cup of coffee, before the power flickered and went out. Plunged into darkness, I felt around for the bottom shelf of the bookcase, where we keep our tea light candles and lighters (exact location noted specifically for this type of situation. there was a time the power went out for 3 hours and I was alone and I couldn't for the life of me find where we kept our candles. Not fun). Soon, our apartment was glittering with little dancing flames. I suggested to Shawn that I read to him, something he rarely has the patience to enjoy except in such situations. And I love reading out loud and being read to. We lay beside each other on the bed, and I held a candle in a little brass holder with round cross cut-outs. I read from the light coming out of those holes. "A Wilderness Called Home: Dispatches from the Wild Heart of Canada", by Charles Wilkins. I read of his travels all over the Eastern half of Canada by boat, on the Great Lakes and the Atlantic. Something about the dark, flickering half-light, made it easier to take myself to the places he was describing, viewing Canada from the deck of a ship, often at night or the wee hours of the morning. A yearning for exploration danced in me with the candlelight. To totally absorb myself in a wild and rugged landscape, with no agenda other than to experience oneness with it,  and write and paint what I find. Anyway, after about 15 minutes of reading, Shawn had dropped off to sleep. But I wasn't tired. I moved out into the living room, softly illuminated. The wind roared outside, trees groaning and creaking as they were forced to bend with it. Eastre slept on the couch, eyes squeezed shut, soft body folded into a bun shape. When I went and sat beside her, she opened one eye and let out a soft trill of greeting. I pet her for awhile, and she snuggled her head back into her paws and purred. After a while I moved over to the yoga mat already set out on the floor and did my yoga routine to the sounds of the storm. It was slowly lightening outside, but still dark enough to need the candlelight. After yoga I padded around and blew out all the candles and crawled back into bed with fubman. My body felt spacious and loose and euphoric from the stretching. We slept until 10:30.

When we woke up again, the power was back on and the sun was shining. The wind, although still gusting along energetically, was not nearly so loud and intense. After our morning things, Shawn left to go work at a client's and I fooled around on the computer, until the power went out again, at which point I bundled myself against the wind and went for a jog out in the brightness. When I got home, Shawn followed soon after, and we went to North Chestermans. So windy was it as to be unbearably cold on the beach, but we found a little nest on a sand dune scattered with bleached seagrass that was sheltered somewhat, and stayed and talked for a while, watching mountainous humps roll into Cox Bay. Pity they always break so far out when they're huge. To the naked eye from the beach they look about 5-6 feet when in reality they're more like 10-20. You can only tell they're big for how high they rise up over the horizon. We always park at our friends' house  now when we go there - we know a couple of people who live in a house right ON the beach, with a private beach trail. They own a dog named Pandora who is part wolf, and she is the most gorgeous, friendly, crazy dog ever. She is in love with Shawn, and vice versa. Her owner is thinking of having puppies with her, because of how beautiful she is, and I think if this happens, it would KILL Shawn not to have a puppy of hers.

Anyway, after our little outing Shawn went to work at Tony's and I frittered away at home, not doing anything much. And that was my day. Voila! There eet ees!

When I went for my jog today, the wind was gusting high and cold, sending tree branches into a frenzied dance. I jogged around the park and up 1st st, turning onto the gravel path that cuts inward to the school. Down along beside the empty school I huffed and puffed. Past the small park with huge sweeping cedars. Down a gravelled back road, where I heard nothing but my own feet marking time with the birds. At the end of this road I kept going straight until I reached the borders of town and turned back. When I reached home again,  I stopped and spent some time outside, enjoying the fresh air and the cold wind against my skin.

When I got back inside, Shawn was home from his gardening job. We ended up going for a walk together. We took the new gravel path to Tonquin. It was so windy that when we got there, we ended up taking shelter in one of the tiny coves carved out into the cliffs bordering the beach. We watched the waves and talked, leaning on mossy boulders. Eventually, we decided to keep walking, but we ended up climbing up into the forest from the cove we were hanging out in, which didn't connect to the trail. We found ourselves suddenly enveloped  in the green forest. As there was a good 6 feet between each tree, it was enjoyable and spacious to walk around in, but it was harder to find the trail than we had bargained for, and we ended up tramping around in the woods for about 15 minutes before we finally did find it. Then we decided to take the new trail, that leads to the community hall (just up the street from us) back home. it was a good companionable walk. All we're missing is a dog.

I was offered a job today, cleaning a vacation rental. I declined. She wanted to train me for full time in the summer. I remembered that the kind of opportunity I'm looking for will actually APPEAL to me. And I don't think there is any job I despise more than house keeping. So decline I did. Actually, I only called her back because I'd been under the impression that she was looking for someone temporary to fill in.

When Soobly came to see me, she brought with her a miniature glockenspiel. For me!! She'd found two at a garage sale, and bought them both. One for her, one for me. My new glock is snuggled inside a blue plastic case (actually, it seems to be attached to said case. I cannot remove it.) upon which are written the words "Angel Glockenspiel" in rainbow bubble letters. It comes with two yellow plastic mallets. I've already remembered the ole cadet standbys: scotland the brave, the great escape, colonel bogie. It's a total walk down memory lane.

soobly and grustus reunion

I never wrote about Soobus' visit. Probably because the night after they left, Shawn was up all night being sick, and then it was valentine's day, and I just got swept away. But, it was a fun visit. Her boyfriend is a Capricorn (the mountain goat) - and he really did like to "butt heads", always bringing up subtly controversial points with an eager gleam in his eye. I found myself debating with him a bit, but it was all in good fun. He was funny and very polite, and made us an amazing breakfast that included a sinful mound of bacon on a plate (he made the entire package), and toasted melty breakfast sandwiches with avocado (and more bacon, obviously). Shawn went for a surf that day, so I took them around town. We mostly just wandered around, talking. We attempted to make a fire at Mackenzie, but everything was so damp it didn't work out. we ended up back at the apartment with a pizza, playing rock band all night. It was a lot of fun. They had to leave at 6:30 the next day. It was rather like a whirlwind.
While Soob was here, she told me she wanted to buy me a bus ticket to come see her (she is, er, quite substantial these days. not weight-wise). I really hope this happens. I realized while she was here, that there's a reason I've never lost touch with her. She's really rare in how charismatic and popular she is, yet down to earth, sensitive, and respectful of different people.  I can talk to her about anything. Also - there is the fact that she is the only other person I've met (outside the family) who has almost the same sense of humour as I. So, bottom line is, I'm really glad that the whole friend thing is rolling again with her.

Also, here in Tofino, life is slowly gaining in excitement. Shawn has met some really cool people through working at Tony's this winter, people I really like the vibes of.  We've been invited to two different social gatherings with them coming up soon. Tofino's starting to seem....friendlier. I know that it's me, mellowing out, too. I haven't been so very lonely this winter - so focussed on what I don't have. Actually I realized that, even though my family/loved ones don't necessarily live close by, I have been supported my whole life by this immense web. It made me think of people that grow up without a family. I literally never realized until a few days ago how much I've always depended on this invisible web of support. It's made me brave. I don't feel sorry for myself about that sort of thing anymore - it just sort of went away.  Yeah! Good news! (as Lore, my old boss, would say.)

Anehway, that's it fer now.

startling blue

That's the sky today. I woke up today to brilliant patches of blue shining out between the cedar branches. I felt celebratory as I moved about the apartment doing my morning things (feeding the cat, unraveling my hair from it's frizzled and be-muffined braid, drinking a glass of water) in the dazzling sunlight shining through the windows. I realized that I had an appetite. Perhaps a walk through the sunny town to get a coffee and a bite to eat? I bribed Shawn out of bed this way.
As I was getting ready, preparing to pull on my usual comfortable leggings + T avec hoodie, my eyes fell for a second on the array of clothes hanging in the closet. A very feminine floral skirt I bought for my job at Covet last winter glinted at me from it's hanger. I hadn't worn it since I was fired.

'why would you wear that today?' a voice in my head reasoned. 'you're just going to be hanging around.' But I barely listened to it. I'd already snatched it down and gathered up my soft black tights. I did my hair in a "Katniss braid" and twisted it up at the side the way Sarah did at Katie's birthday celeb. I even stuck earrings in my ears: flat copper circles with small silver feathers hanging in front. All this to go out for coffee! What can I say? It was the effect of sunshine. (yes, I DO know that some people take such care with their appearance every day. All I can say is: respect) I finished off my outfit with my knee-high tan swashbucklers, a cute little tan button-up, and a black-and white scarf. The girls at the coffee shop, who know us, complimented me. They're used to seeing me in rag-like apparel, so it's no wonder. But Freddy, a super cute French-Canadian girl I'm getting to know, showed me the flowery dress she was wearing. So it wasn't just me! It's just that kinda day! Spring celebratory.

For breakfast, we shared a burrito from Breakers. I wanted the one with chipotle mayo: probably NOT the smartest choice for a digestive system that's still recovering...but what the heck. I was so excited to have an appetite at ALL, and my body (obviously a little starved of nutrients from my forced fast...I could hardly eat anything yesterday, either) was just RARING to go. It wouldn't take no for an answer. Anyway, I let Shawn eat the bulk of it, and it was delicious.

Now he's out surfing, and I'm probably about to change back into something more normal, because I'm thinking of doing some painting. Did I mention that Shawn got me an EASEL?! yeah. For valentine's day!! He made me close my eyes, and led me out into the living room where it was standing in all it's glory. I was so shocked, I almost burst into happy tears. It's what I've wanted for so long. He gets me those things - the things I want forever, but for some reason never get for myself. Words can't express. Sigh. :)

Since I DID hype it up a bunch, I decided I may as well post some pics of my outfit for your viewing pleasure.
I'm working on relaxed facial expressions with photos - but - correct me if I'm wrong - it seems to me that I tend to look sort of arrogant in the relaxed ones. Then, in the one I'm smiling, I look about 8 years old. Seriously - where's the happy medium? I may need a face coach, if that's even a thing.

It's been norro virus 101 around here, as first Shawn caught it, and then exactly 72 hours later, I did. Unfortunately, my symptoms were much worse. Shawn was only sick for 7 hours, so at hour 5 I began to be excited for a respite. 10 hours later...it finally began to subside. I managed to sip about half a glass of water and nibble the equivalent of a small bite of bread all day long. Lying on either side made my stomach cramp and heave, so I was stuck flat on an aching back. For most of the day until about 6, I didn't even dare sip water, because it came right back up.  Shawn was unwilling to leave the house all day, except to go get things like gravol (came right back up - useless). Every 10 minutes I'd hear him come to the door and check on me. It was really nice to be taken care of so well, I have to say. he's a gem of a fubman. Anyway, today things are much better, although I'm still queasy and still can't gulp water. But I can tell it's gone. It's weird how you can sense a virus inside you. When I first woke up yesterday, I didn't feel sick yet, but I could immediately tell something was off. Like a wiggle inside you - an imbalance, like when you step off a spinning merry-go-round.  So, I hope no one else gets it. It sucked. I've never had nausea stay with me for so long.

I'm taking it easy still today. What to do? I watched every single movie we own yesterday, just about. I think i'mma run a bath.

This morning found the house in a state of chaos, as Shawn and I finished up our cleaning. The chairs were all upside down on the couch, and the furniture pushed around to afford as much floor space as possible while we swept and mopped. During this, Shawn attempted to un-clog our bathroom sink, with disastrous results. He ended up holed in there with the fan on, kneeling in a puddle and trying to fix it, for about an hour and a half. It still isn't fixed, and he left to go surfing with his friend Alex who came up today from Parksville. It's nice to have a handy man (but even nicer when they don't break what they're trying to fix!!...not that I'd do any better, mind). Sarah and her boyfriend who I haven't met will be arriving late tonight. The weather forecast says it will be pouring with rain the entire time they're here, luck of lucks. Oh well. I'm still excited for it, it will be fun!  The most exciting thing that's happened to me in a long time, quite frankly. Hawaii aside.

speaking of the visit, there are still things to be done, which I should be doing now instead of fumfering on the computer. such as pulling all the dead things out of the garden. The flowers are growing again! The buds are emerging, and I have even spotted some lone pink fluffs of salmon berry blossom coming out. it smells like spring. This year I want to take full advantage of the comfrey and lemon balm growing in all four corners of our yard. I know some people who would have greatly benefitted from some comfrey ointment this winter if I'd had some on hand! I wouldn't mind being "that" person. The one with powerful natural remedies on hand. Plus I love lemon balm infusion...I've long run out of the lemon balm Andrea gave me for christmas years ago, and it's so comforting when one has a cold or just needs a pick-me-up. I read that lemon balm was long used for lifting depression. People would put fresh leaves in their wine or spirits. They'd also have it as a daily infusion for the purpose of longevity. It has other uses too, but I forget.

Time to get back to work!

Today I woke up to bright golden shafts of sun streaming in through the window. Lovely! The rain has finally let up, and me and Shawn have planned a picnic and fire on the beach. Our slump lifted yesterday (funny how it was in direct correspondence to the weather starting to lift yesterday...) and both of us had a productive time with good tunes working on different parts of the house. I scrubbed and shined the bathroom, and sorted through every scrap of clothing we have, clearing up our bedroom and our closet, while Shawn worked on the kitchen and tidied up/organized the living room. We went shopping for groceries and I bought a lovely hunk of fresh smoked salmon from Trilogy. I'm going to make smoked salmon potato cakes. Yes - it is time. I think they are my favourite meal of all time...I've only made them once before. I have to be in a special mood. This time I'm going to lightly crust them with Panko, and perhaps make a hollandaise sauce instead of an aioli..may as well go all out!

Shawn and I have been planning my 27th birthday celebration. I want to go to Victoria, and Shawn's mom's friend has offered for us to stay in her apartment any time we're in town. She lives in James Bay, and has a whole apartment she hardly ever uses because her boyfriend lives in the one below her. So we'd have it to ourselves! But also, as I'm predicting I won't yet have the funds for that when my birthday rolls around (I might not even have started working yet at Raph's, and my e.i. runs out beginning of April), we are planning a one-night camping trip like we did for my 25th. That time, we went to Mackenzie lake, which was beautiful (ringed with snow-capped, purplish mountains), but compared to other places around here, really not inspiring. plus the campsite (free, and unmaintained) was full of garbage..even though we found a place tucked in the trees right on the beach with a cool driftwood shelving built into a tree, it still had the feeling of a trashed place. And kind of dead. so this year, I want to go to Bella Pacifica. It's so pretty, with campsites tucked between huge hemlock, pine and cedar, kept private by the thickets of salal...and they all are right on the edge of the beautiful sandy beach. there's one me and Shawn used to hang out in when we lived near there. You have to duck to get in, because a natural tunnel of salal has formed around the entrance. It's like a private little hole, with a view of the beach. That's where I plan on spending my birthday. Shawn, however, is racking his brains trying to think of an off-the-path free spot we could go that I'd like. We'll see - he'll have his chance to convince me...but I don't think I want to go to cougar-bear land in the early spring, when angry hungry bears and starving aggressive cougars abound. Not that I think anything would actually HAPPEN, but I doubt I'd be able to stop myself from thinking about it at night...

I can't wait for Sarah to come visit!! I will have nothing but free time - I'll still be on e.i. Happy days! Perfect timing Stott, if I do say so. And then, probably after that, I will be planning my visit to 'fub. I'm hoping that my tax returns will be able to be used for this purpose. so there are many fun things in my future. many-a-fun thing.

Shawn and I walked into town today during a brief respite in the rain. It started pouring again as we were buying our groceries, and kept on like that, off and on. I hope we don't get another boil water advisory, but it isn't nearly as bad yet as it was last winter when it rained for 2 weeks straight. We've been relatively dry this winter. I'm just not used to it.

Our place...is a mess. We've been pretty good at keeping things organized since Christmas, but for the past couple days both Shawn and I have been in a slump (perhaps weather induced?) - and that is ALL it took for chaos to creep back in. I shudder at the thought of the crusty pile of dishes in the sink. And that is just one of many things that need attending to. This morning, rather than face the dishes, we went out to the Common Loaf for breakfast. We shared a plump curried vegetable tart with chutney and a small cup of coffee. for once, there was the small window seat in the corner available. It's a perfect people watching spot, affording a close-up view of first st through the shrubbery. We stayed and talked for a while, enjoying ourselves, until a rush of people invaded the room and Shawn immediately became distracted and uncomfortable.  He is very sensitive...doesn't take well to crowds (and never had to deal with them growing up in Parksville and moving straight on to Tofino..). I find it very interesting comparing us on these points, because I'm also very sensitive, but have developed a very useful tuning-out tool that I seem to put in place automatically. I never hear people's conversations, unless I think to concentrate on them, which is hardly ever. But Shawn can't stop from hearing what people around him are saying. It must be pretty distracting.

I remember one time, at an Indian restaurant, getting so engrossed in my mango lhasi that I effectively tuned out the entire restaurant and forgot anyone else was around...it was just me, me and the mango lhasi, which was engulfing me in blissful sweetness...
next thing I knew, Andreas was laughing at me and I realized I had been energetically trying to suck the last little bits of lhasi from the glass, and it was very noisy...so noisy that people around me were shooting me furtive glances.  It's one of the few times I have legitimately blushed in my life.

Sigh...moving on. I can't leave the post on that note. Me and the exercise ball are becoming reluctant acquaintances again. I can't wait for the rain to stop so I can put my running shoes back on!
For now, I will go make a pot of tea and curl up with a book.

I woke up this morning to the sounds of a fluffy furball attempting to jump in the closed window. Every 15 minutes, like clockwork - just as you are drifting back into blissful sleep. THUMP. scrabble. meow! I resisted getting up for as long as possible, because I knew I'd be playing right into her furry little paws. She planned it, you see. She's learned that if she wakes us up early, but asks to go outside, she'll have succeeded in waking us up without getting herself in trouble. Then she'll wait patiently, because I almost always get up about 10 minutes after this, unable to fall asleep again. and as soon as she sees I'm up she'll put up a barrage of meows until I let her in. Then I have no choice but to feed her. I could put it off, but fubman's always sleeping still and I don't want her constant meowing to wake him, so I just do it. This morning was different, because Shawn was the one who got up to let her out, and I slept through it. So Eastre's plan didn't work out so well for her, seeing as how I slept for a good few hours after that, while she was stuck outside. But her window shenanigans eventually did the job and woke me. She knows the exact perfect timing, like I mentioned, to keep us from falling asleep again once we're awake. What can I say? I live with a clever mound of fur.

A lot of time spent talking about my furry companion. I am becoming startlingly similar to a cat lady, except I just have the one. It's on it's second day of freezing rain downpour here, and it's not expected to stop at all tomorrow. I've been stuck inside with Eastre too long. You do not want to be anywhere NEAR me right now. My cabin fever is off the roof. good thing Shawn not only knows how to take it, but gives it right back...

I don't spend much time comparing him with Andreas anymore, because that ship's sailed long, long ago as far as I'm concerned. there's no need to anymore. But sometimes one (a comparison) comes unbidden to my mind. Like how my cabin fever used to make Andreas slightly uncomfortable and he wouldn't quite know what to do with me. Shawn acts as though he was born to contend with my brand of cabin fever. That's how I like my men. Although it does allow a feverish Amy to flourish in unflattering behaviour at times. That's ok, that's good. Where's the spice of life, if you can't allow yourself to speak and guffaw like a very old man every once in awhile - or snap out a smart jig to a song playing on the radio? limbs flying with abandon?

I wish I had something more interesting to tell...
I had an epiphany this morning while concocting woodsy scrambled eggs (with mushrooms fried in butter and garlic). Cooking is a true love of mine. I realized this when I suddenly thought how with cooking, no matter how simple the dish, I never ever try to cut corners. With me, this is significant. I ALWAYS try to cut corners! with everything! painting, piano, homework, housework. not cooking though - it has to be done with respect. I suppose my true love is food. Yes, that sounds right.