Tribute to the power of love

April 30th marked my 3 year anniversary of up and moving to Tofino, and of falling wildly in love with one Shawn Mclean. Those of you who know him might smile a little at him being the object of such passionate feelings. I'm just saying he may often come across as goofy and friendly and a little spacey - which isn't super romantic-sounding...but is only an aspect of who he is, of course. There's a side of him that belongs to me, and me alone. Nobody else ever sees it. No one else HAS ever seen it. It's been that way since we first met. I got teased and given a hard time for liking him by some back then, who didn't think he was worthy of me. I kind of knew what they meant (not that I thought he wasn't good enough for me)...he was too young, he was awkward, blah blah blah. Back then I never knew why I did like him so much, it was just one of those inexplicable attractions. It was later I noted the few notable differences from other crushes. One, I recognized his face. Two, it wasn't that I found him physically attractive exactly...(he wasn't that cute back then. he had almost no chin and a head too big for his body)...it was him shining through his physical body that made him - has always made him, and always will make him - so attractive to me. THAT'S what I recognized. I knew his face, but at the same time I knew I'd never really seen that face before. It was what was beyond the face I knew. Three, no matter how much or how little we talked, the attraction only grew with time, until, by the time I was 24 and struggling with decisions, it was at such a crazy frenzy that thinking about him would keep me up literally all night. I always knew (hoped...knew!) I'd be with him eventually. It was just a matter of our stars lining up.

I used to look into Andreas' eyes and be a little frightened when I saw what was staring at me through them. But when I look into Shawn's eyes I feel the ease and familiarity of someone who's been my family for all of time. It's no wonder I gravitate to his side. I love to be there. I feel so loved and treasured there, so boundlessly free to express myself and my joy with abandon. He LOVES my joyful expressions. Our love is the same love. It's a part of our existence, and when we live there without fear we become so beautiful together. A God and a Goddess dancing our intertwining love-dance, effortlessly remembering steps echoing to us like faint, well-known music from the depths of eternity. And shining so far into the universe...to the furthest ends. Love is unlimited like that.

I've had a camera now for so long I often forget about it. But one time I ALWAYS think to use it is when I come upon Shawn and Eastre cuddling together in bed. She always cuddles with him after she eats her breakfast. I'm up obviously, having been the one bullied into waking up and feeding her. And sometimes i'll go into the bedroom to get something and see something so precious I just have to take a picture. Eastre curled up into Shawn's chest, her paw hugging his outstretched arm, her head resting on said arm. Shawn curved up around her on his side. Fast asleep. The sound of deep purrs and peaceful breathing. There's something about those moments I treasure that makes me want to capture them. And Shawn when he's asleep is beautiful. His face and mouth are so sensitively shaped. It's obvious the tenor of the soul that shaped them.

He's often told me of symbolic dreams he's had of me, both before and after we met. one of them touched me deeply because it - well, I'll just tell you. It was dark in his dream - he was on a path deep in the woods, and it felt dangerous and scary, and he didn't know where he was. Then he saw a light coming up, a circle of light, getting brighter and illuminating everything around it. When it got close enough he saw it was a bicycle light, with me riding the bicycle, and he felt comforted and safe. In another similar dream, he was looking for me on a boat out at sea, in the middle of the night again. He looked everywhere, panicked, and finally saw a lighthouse beam, and knew I'd be at the source of that light. so he found me finally, and there was a cozy fire by the lighthouse and the dream changed into something really good-feeling and comforting. Those dreams touched me because I realized the power I had to love. I can't put it any other way, even though that doesn't seem to capture the hugeness of the realization. If only words could truly mirror what's inside us!! No expression would ever be cheap - it would be impossible. True expression is incorruptible...and can pierce through a heart of stone. Such as music. A language we share with birds and wind and water...with pebbles clattering out their natural rhythm as they tumble down a mountainside, with rain finding it's voices on the various textures of roof and grass and rock, with the tiny hum caused by an insect's wings, the clap of intensity when a blinding finger of lighting finds purchase with the earth. How I love to play with words though.